Page 80 of Winterveil

As they passed, Giselle tried to peer through the windows. She was curious to see whether there were holograms inside—Deckard was so committed to making the charade seem real, down to every detail.

Through the window glass she saw families. Mothers pushing their toddlers in toy cars. Fathers reclining in their armchairs. A puppy nipping and nosing the carpet.

The feeling of homesickness that welled up in her was painful. Her earlier conversation with Julian had brought her own family to mind. Her sisters—how were they faring without her? Was someone remembering to feed Huck his special kibble? Was Meemaw still hiding her whiskey bottles in the toilet tank? And her mother—

Giselle squeezed her eyes shut and scrubbed her cheeks. The last thing she wanted to do in front of Nadiya was cry.

Nadiya was watching the family inside the house, too. Her eyes danced, but the emotion in them was too fraught for Giselle to fully understand.

Yet the question rose to her lips before Giselle could stop it. “Do you miss him?”

“Who?”

“Dr. Iver. You said he was like family.”

“Like family,” Nadiya repeated. A beat of silence passed, and her gaze clouded. And then she said nothing more.

Giselle regretted mentioning Dr. Iver at all. He had tormented Nadiya with her own worst memories, allowed her to be broken and humiliated in front of a crowd. And now he had ordered her off on this mission, its purpose mysterious, its execution potentially dangerous.

That simmering feeling of anger returned.

Turning away from the house, she and Nadiya continued down the street. At the end was a cluster of pine trees, garlanded in snow, and hills too steep to scale. The maps of Traumstadt that Deckard had provided showed that the arena stretched on for another half an acre, but it seemed inaccessible.

“I suppose that’s it, then,” Giselle said. She wasn’t sure if she felt disappointed or relieved.

“Let’s get back to the lodge.” Nadiya’s voice was flat. “You can recount everything you’ve seen to Klaudia.”

Giselle’s stomach quivered with the same sort of nervousness she remembered feeling during her first few pageants—standing before the judges with shaky knees and sweaty palms.

“What do you think of her?” Giselle blurted. “Klaudia?”

“I think she’s an excellent strategist,” Nadiya said. “I think she was chosen for a good reason.”

The insinuation hung in the air. Unlike you.

In another time, in another place, Giselle would have turned away, a flush rising to her face. But now the anger rose from an ember to a flame.

Her voice trembled as she said, “All I ever did was care about you, Nadiya.”

“I know,” Nadiya replied immediately. “It’s one of your worst qualities.”

“Excuse me?”

“You care about everything—especially things you shouldn’t. That sleazy creep in the jailhouse? I saw how you looked at him. Like you should be apologizing to him. You were even making eyes at Julian this morning.”

“I was not making eyes at him,” Giselle bit out. “You should know that. You saw . . . you know what happened with Bonnie. You know the real reason I was in that cell.”

Nadiya’s gaze flickered, but only for a moment. “More proof of my point. You threw your life away for some girl who didn’t even care that you ended up in jail for it. She should have been there trying to get you out. Not Dr. Iver. Not me.”

“You weren’t exactly there out of the goodness of your heart,” Giselle snapped.

“No,” said Nadiya. “I wasn’t. I was there because Dr. Iver told me to come. I did what he wanted me to do. I said what he wanted me to say.”

I think you already are more than this. Had that line been scripted? Just a manipulation tactic? Giselle’s throat burned.

“Fine,” she said. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I care about things I shouldn’t. Maybe I blew up my whole life for nothing. But at least I didn’t go on living a lie. Shutting everyone out. Pretending not to feel. At least I’ll never wake up in the middle of the night next to some man I could never love. At least I’ll know that I tried. I’ll know what it was like, even for a moment, to—”

She cut herself off, choked by a sob. A sudden wind picked up and her teeth chattered, just like they had that night under the cold and indifferent moon, her feet carrying her away from the trailer and into the star-pricked darkness. She remembered it all. Just as she remembered her arms around Nadiya, the hum of Nadiya’s heartbeat through her skin.