Page 46 of A Tale of Mirth & Magic

I’d just been so terrified in those seconds when she’d had me in a choke hold. And then anger soon followed, as it always did, once I got the upper hand. It unleashed something in me. And when that happened, sometimes it’s hard to tell where the lines are.

My power—my own body—had betrayed me. I never wanted to slip up like that again. Especially with Barra, for the little time we had left together. I need to be more careful. Stop relying on my fight-or-flight instinct and just take a second to think. It shouldn’t have taken accidentally throttling a stranger and almost maiming someone I liked to make me realize just how firmly I’d let my anger take hold of my magic over the years. But now that I could see clearly, I wasn’t going to let myself hurt anyone like that again. Not even weaselly assholes like Felsith or his ilk… unless they really deserved it, of course.

I was taking control of my magic back.

The way I’d managed to charm those cuffs with Maerryl showed me I could do it. The sense of calm confidence I’d felt, a soothing wave that washed over me as I’d forced the fury and frustration aside and focused on the task at hand—it was astounding. It was like the perfect feeling I got when I managed a simple magical working or created something beautiful while jewelry making, but multiplied a hundredfold. Dare I say, it might have been even better than sex.

It had taken a hell of a lot out of me. I was wrung out, thoroughly exhausted. Like the chewed grass in Pebble’s mouth, actually, is how I felt right now. And yes, it will probably be hard to get back into that calm, focused mental state next time I wanted to work some magic. But somehow, I knew I could do it.

Putting two people in mortal danger forced me to confront myself. I had so much anger simmering for so long, even when I didn’t fully realize it—toward the communities that were supposed to raise me and instead turned up their noses. Toward the people who harassed me, attacked me, tricked me when I was young and naive, just learning how to survive by myself on the road. Most of all, toward my parents—their dismissal, their disinterest, their utter lack of love for me driving a wedge through my heart from childhood… driving me away from home, just like they wanted.

How had it taken me so long to see the depths of all this anger, how it had grown roots and taken hold of my emotions and my powers? I dashed the back of my hand against my cheeks, quickly wiping away the wetness there.

I wouldn’t let my past define my future any longer. I had control over my magic. Not those ghosts. It was mine alone, and I intend to make the very most of it from now on.

We walked in silence along the road for a long time. Seated on Pebble, I tried to ignore my aching thighs and just relax into the rhythm of her gait. My drooping eyes drifted closed. So, so tired.

Pebble stopped. Barra swung up into the saddle behind me. Despite myself, I let my body relax back against him. He was solid and warm, a reassuring presence, and I felt the tension leaving me as I listened to his steady heartbeat.

“Wha’ ’bout Pebble?” I mumbled. “Too heavy.”

“She’s fine for a bit. Strong horse. Just nap, El. You need rest,” Barra said. “I’ll wake you up for lunch.”

Drowsy, I hummed my assent and let my mind drift. “Sweet. You’re so sweet.”

As everything faded and I slipped off to sleep, I felt Barra wrap his arms around me with a sigh. He held me tight and said, “So are you, love.”

When I woke, we were slowing to a stop near the edge of a small lake. Barra brushed my hair out of my face with gentle fingers.

“Good morning. Or—early afternoon, I suppose. Sleep well?” His deep voice rumbled against my back. He still had me tucked against him, strong arms keeping me from tilting to either side of the horse.

I yawned hugely. Though I was reluctant to leave the cozy embrace, my limbs were aching with stiffness. I wiggled my way out, Barra releasing me quickly, and stretched my arms over my head. Rolling my neck and shoulders to loosen up the muscles, I took in the serene scene around us.

“Where are we?”

“About two hours along the road. Still have a few more until we reach Old Orchard. But I thought we should stop here and eat.”

The water sparkled with sunlight. Next to the lake, the grass looked soft and inviting. A few early bumblebees buzzed around, and some bright splashes of color signaled the start of spring’s blooms. I was tempted to drop down into the grass and slip back to sleep. But food also sounded wonderful.

My growling stomach decided the matter for me.

Barra braced himself and swung out of the saddle. He reached up for me, waiting. Attempting a more graceful dismount this time, I twisted my left leg over the front of the saddle and turned so that I was sideways and facing him.

“I’ve got you,” he said.

I slid off Pebble’s back without hesitation. Barra caught me, his arms firm around my upper thighs, just under my ass. We were almost face-to-face like this, me just a little above him.

Barra’s gaze searched mine. So serious and worried all the time. I traced one fingertip down the bridge of his large nose. His eyes closed. Touching his chin, eyebrows, cheeks, I committed his face to memory.

Gently, I leaned in and kissed him. He drew in a small, surprised breath and then kissed me back, his arms pressing me tight against him. I tangled my fingers in his hair and deepened it, twining my tongue around his. He’d worn my red ribbon again today, tied carefully in a bow, and it had been driving me mad all morning.

Barra followed my lead, kissing me hungrily as I captured his mouth. We were frenzied, lost in each other’s lips. I hugged myself tight to his body and relished the way he squeezed me back, as if he wanted me as close to him as possible. When I nipped his full lower lip, he groaned so deeply I could feel the rumble through his chest.

But then suddenly he was pulling away. Just slightly, enough that it broke off our kiss and made me hmphh in protest.

“El, we should talk,” he said.

I stiffened.