Page 149 of Silent Damage

Gabe shakes his head and looks at me. “Will you walk with me?” he asks.

His eyes are red and vacant, and he looks paler than normal.

I nod, my pulse accelerating as I look into his eyes.

Gabe leads me to the back door, but then his Mom says, “Gabe.” He looks at her.

They say nothing. She stares at him with sympathy, and Gabe looks…shattered.

He leaves, holding the door open for me, and we walk into the woods. The air smells earthy and slightly sweet. I want to hold Gabe’s hand, but I don’t know if he wants me to.

He leads us to the spot.

Our fort.

Well, where the fort used to be.

Gabe takes a seat on a log, and I sit beside him.

We sit in silence, Gabe looking off with a wistful expression. “It’s never been easy, has it?” he finally says. “There’s never really been a moment when it was just…okay.”

I look down at the ground, locking eyes with a withered leaf. “I guess not.”

“Except out here,” he adds. “It felt okay out here,” he looks at me, “with you.”

My heart pounds, and I reach to hold his hand, but he pulls away. “What is it?” I ask.

He looks off with that vacant expression again. “You were right about me,” he states with a defeated tone. “I’m a fucking liar.”

I don’t speak. I can’t.

Gabe’s throat bobs, and he closes his eyes. “When you came back, I was so upset. Not because we were fighting, but because you knew me before I was broken. You were the one connection I had to a me I didn’t hate, and I knew I’d latch onto it—get addicted to it.” Gabe looks at me, and the tears fall. “I knew I’d get addicted to the feeling I get when you look at me like that.” He turns away, his face crumbling. “But you won’t look at me like that anymore once I tell you.”

I can barely get the words out, but I finally whisper, “Try me.”

He looks at me, a sliver of hope in his eyes, but it vanishes as quickly as it came. “I…I did it.” His voice is so small. “I killed him.” He can barely get it out, each word catching on the lump in his throat. “And she…she took the bla—” Gabe falls apart before he can say the last word, and I wrap my arms around him and press him to my chest.

I don’t know what to say, so I just whisper his name over and over again.

“I hate myself so much,” he gasps.

“No. No, don’t say that—”

“I can’t do it. I can’t live with the memories anymore—”

“Don’t say that, Gabe!”

He’s cracked open now, and it all comes pouring out of him. “He beat her after he found out about Doug and—” I can see the whole thing in my mind, and my heart breaks for him. “I lost it.”

“You were protecting your mother,” I say, hoping it’ll calm him down.

“I stabbed my fucking dad to death, Jason. I’m a piece of shit.”

“No! You were protecting her from a piece of shit. You protected your mom.”

I squeeze him in my arms, hoping he can feel how much I love—

How much I love…