Page 166 of Silent Damage

Silence.

My hand clutches my chest, prepared to run back in there and hold Jason if he needs me.

“What happened?” he asks Tobias.

More silence. I move a little closer—I am basically in the room but hidden behind a curtain.

“The Black Scorpions ambushed you guys.”

It feels so… matter-of-fact.

“I’m the only one?” Jason asks.

“Yeah.”

More silence, and I’m about to run into that room and hug Jason when I hear Tobias say, “I’m sorry.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jason says.

“It was. You’re my man. It’s my fault when you get hurt.”

My heart hurts when I hear that one. I creep a little closer, because Tobias’s voice is softer now.

“I’m so sorry, Jason. You’re so young—I shouldn’t have let you fight for a spot.”

“I’m not a kid,” Jason replies with sadness in his voice.

“I never said you were. You’re not a kid. You’re young. And you would have risen to the top; that’s how good you are.”

“W-what do you mean…are you kicking me out?” Jason asks in a panic.

“I’m not kicking you out. I’m asking you to retire.”

“What? But I don’t want to. I’m a HellCat. You’re right about me; I will rise to the top. I can do it!” “And then what?” Tobias asks.

There is a beat of silence before Jason asks, “What do you mean?”

“So, you get to the top. Then what? What happens next?”

“Power,” Jason argues. “Money.”

“I’ve got plenty of both, and neither makes me happy, Jason. The view from the top is dim when you have to live in the shadows.”

I’m speechless. I’m not sure what I was expecting from Tobias, but it wasn’t this.

“When I say you’re young, I mean you have time, and with time you get more chances. The guys in the HellCats have no other options.”

“Well, what options do I have?” Jason asks.

“For starters, you have a guy who is madly in love with you. That's a really nice option.”

“W-well, Gabe knows how important the HellCats are to me,” Jason states.

“Yeah? And are you going to make him watch you almost die again? Because that’s the future, Jason. A life with the HellCats is a life of constant danger. It lurks around every corner. If it’s not the Black Scorpions, then it’s another gang. If it’s not a gang, then it’s a drug lord, or a politician, or a cop who can’t be bought. It never ends. Is that what you want for Gabe? To wonder if you’re coming back each time you leave the house for a job? Is that fair?”

Jason says nothing. I can’t imagine what’s going through his mind—this was his shot. Or at least that’s what he thought.

Tobias continues. “I came here every day, but I never walked into this room. I came at night and crept right to the door to see how you were, and you know who I saw every single time I came? Gabe. Sitting right next to you. That’s the best option, Jason. It doesn’t get better than that. No amount of money or power can replace unconditional love.”