Page 84 of Silent Damage

Silence. He just stares at me.

I lean against the tree with one hand and sigh. “Gabe, I can’t do this. It’s too much.”

When I look at him again, his expression nearly breaks my heart.

“Look…I’m sorry, but we just can’t do this. We can’t hook up and stuff. It’s not you. I just—”

I rub my eyes, trying to figure out how to say this.

“Was I bad?” he whispers.

My stomach drops. “What? No! You were fucking awesome; that’s the problem.”

He looks at me, confused.

I huff in frustration, trying to find the words. “I just shouldn’t have fucked you, alright? That was a mistake.”

I regret saying it immediately.

Gabe’s mouth falls open, and his eyes look shattered. “Gabe, I didn’t—”

He shakes his head and backs away, wrapping his arms around his body.

I open my mouth to try to speak, but the words won’t come. I want to tell him it’s because I fucking care—too much. That he’s the only one who has the power to bring me to my knees, and that if we kiss and fuck and god knows what else, I’ll lose myself in him forever, but then fucking Linda walks into the backyard.

“Boys, I'd like you both to come on over for dinner,” she says.

We both just stare at her in disbelief. “Are you fucking serious?” I ask as sweat streams down my face.

She throws her hands on her hips and barks, “Yes. Dinner’s ready, and you both have to come. And don’t say fuck!”

She leaves in a huff, and I scrub my hands over my face.

“I’m gonna lose my mind,” I say under my breath.

“I WANT YOU AT THE TABLE IN FIVE MINUTES,” Linda yells from the front yard, her voice echoing through the trailer park.

“Jesus!” I turn to Gabe and ask, “Can you believe this?”

But he’s not paying attention to Linda. His narrowed eyes bore into me like lasers. Then he sneers and walks off, leaving me alone in the backyard with nothing but a punching bag and my guilt.

Gabe

This is unbearable.

I’m not sitting at this goddamn table on Doug’s stupid porch where I have to stare at Jason and feel this pain in my heart anymore.

The next time Mom asks me to come to dinner, I am speaking the word, “No,” with my whole chest right to her face, and hopefully she’ll finally stop with th—

“Get a job yet?” Doug asks Jason.

The question comes out of nowhere, and it pulls me out of my spiral.

“I actually have an interview tomorrow,” Jason replies with a smug look on his face.

Wait, what?

If Doug had hair, his brows would be hitting his hairline right now. “Really? How’d you land that?”