Page 88 of Silent Damage

The words fly out of my mouth, like a piercing shriek, before I even have a chance to stop them.

I’m heaving. Shaking. My gut coils, and there’s an awful taste in my mouth.

Mom stares at me, confused, but then it dawns on her, and she starts apologizing. “I shouldn’t have said that. I’m so sorry.”

This time, Jason can’t pull me out of it. It’s different with Mom in here—the scene of the crime. The crime she witnessed.

The trailer feels too small, and the heat is suffocating.

I hurry to exit, but Mom and Jason follow me. I turn around and shake my head no.

They stop, and I give them both a stern glance before shaking my head no again.

I hurry out of the trailer, and, as I walk, the memories take over: the lights from the cop cars, the smell of the trailer, and the look on Dad’s face. They all spin in my brain, making me queasy.

Then something hits me.

What if Jason finds out?

Images from that night are replaced with Jason’s expression.

How would he look at me if he found out?

Like I’m a monster.

Disgusting.

Because I am.

The bile rushes up my throat, and I fall to the ground, sick to my stomach.

I spend so much of my life trying to forget that night that I’ve never really grappled with the very real possibility that he might find out.

And when he does, he’ll never look at me the same way again.

I almost wish he hadn’t come back. Even though we’re not really anything—

The thought of losing him again…

I won’t survive it.

Chapter 21

Jason

The moon hangs low in the sky, like a spotlight on me alone.

I march to the Kitty Cat Club knowing my chances of getting seriously hurt are strong.

My stomach’s been in knots since I woke up, and not just because of the fight.

Gabe left and didn’t come back until the middle of the night…

Doug and I almost had another goddamn fight, but instead, he hit Gabe.

I really could have destroyed his ass.

Everything Linda said about Doug feels like a million miles away now.