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“Eddie is about a year older than I am and he dazzled me from the first moment I met him. Handsome, a smooth talker, sexy. He was everything my parents hated in one male package. I fell hard and fast. At first, it was exciting. We went to wild parties every night. Four out of the five school days per week I was either hungover or absent. I didn’t even make it halfway through my senior year before I dropped out. By then, I’d missed so many days the school had refused to graduate me. The angry teenage me sure as hell wasn’t going to repeat a year.”
Well, that explained why she wasn’t fazed by the party at the clubhouse.
“Eddie wasn’t the first guy I’d slept with by that point, but he was the most…adventurous.” She sighed. “You sure you want to hear all this?”
Fuck no. “Yes.” Zach sounded like he’d swallowed shards of glass. Hearing about any Toni had been with would be torture, but listening while she talked about sex with Shark was like having his toenails ripped out with a pair of rusty pliers.
“All right. At first, it was exciting and hot and if I’m being honest, I loved it. I found out that—this is so embarrassing.” She looked up for a second then took a deep breath. “I discovered that I like sex. Really like it. Wild, rough, a little taboo, I was into it all.”
This conversation was worse than having his skin peeled off, but he knew there was a reason she was revealing all of it. And it was probably going to get worse before it was over.
“So, at first, that’s what it was. Partying and sex. I was drinking like a fish, doing drugs, the works. I hardly spent any time at home and I think my parents were relieved by that point. I’d caused so much trouble it was easier to pretend I didn’t exist.”
“I don’t remember anything about this. I don’t think my parents ever mentioned it.”
She shrugged. “Well you were away by then. In the army, right?”
He scratched the morning stubble on his chin. “Yeah, I guess I wasn’t home. So, what happened?”
“Eddie started to rise up the ranks in the gang. He was making a name for himself by being ruthless with anyone who crossed him. All he wanted was to move up higher on the food chain. He wanted to run the gang one day.”
“He’s in charge now.”
She nodded. “I’m not surprised. It’s where he was headed. Anyway, as he got more power, he got even crazier and wanted to share me with his friends. The guys who ran the gang at the time. It’s part of their bylaws. If you want in the very tight knit and elite inner circle, you had to have a woman and had to share her. It’s so fucked up. Back then, I was so stupid and thought I was in love. I went along with it for a while.” Her eyes closed and tears leaked out. “I thought it wouldn’t be so bad. That it would make him proud of me. Make him love me. For about six months I was nothing better than a drugged-out gang slut.”
Zach wrapped his arms around her, as much for himself as to soothe her. She’d been carrying this around, beating herself up for years. “Shit, babe, that’s not true. You were young. Underage for fuck’s sake. And I saw that video. You were fuckin’ zonked. There’s no way you could have consented. It was rape, babe.”
“You think that video was bad?” She hopped off his lap and paced the length of the porch. “I’d done it all before, Zach. And stone cold sober. I took the drugs willingly. I agreed to everything they wanted. I never said no or put up a fight. I was so screwed up and looking for any kind of attention. Even if I ended up completely losing myself in the process.”
He stood. As much as he hated hearing about other men getting their hands on her, it was even worse to see her self-hatred over it. “It doesn’t matter,” he said, stopping her with his hands on her shoulders. “Baby, you were too young and fucked up from parents who didn’t do right by you to handle making those kinds of decisions. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You were in a shit circumstance that led to even more shit. And you got out.”
Wait. She did get out, didn’t she?
The Dragons didn’t just let people out. “How did you get away from them? They don’t just let people walk away from the gang.”
“By the end, my relationship with Eddie was no longer fun or sexy. The guys got rougher each time, none of it was ever about me. It was just a game to them; humiliating me, passing me around. Seeing who could be the biggest man. By that point I was too afraid to leave. I started using drugs more because it gave me an escape. My Uncle Mark came to visit. He’s my mother’s brother. He couldn’t believe I wasn’t living at home and my parents had no idea where I was. Somehow, he found me and literally carried me out of there. It was the night that video was made. I don’t know how Chris got his hands on it. I didn’t even know I’d been recorded.”
