Page 29 of Dorchad

Rebecca walked out of the guest room and went to the first guard she saw. “Do you know where Chieftain Dorchad is now?”

“Aye, my lady. His quarters.” He nodded in the direction of the chamber he used inside the stronghold. “Shall I bid one of the maids to escort you there?”

“I know the way, thank you.” She walked on before he could ask her anything else, keeping her expression controlled as she passed other clansmen and a few maids.

When Rebecca reached the chieftain’s quarters she saw the door standing open a few inches, and that stopped her in her tracks. What she was about to do could end any number of ways, most in humiliation and shame. If he rejected her she might never work up the nerve to try again. The next few minutes could give her everything she’d ever wanted, or destroy all of her hopes. She’d never attempted to do this in the past, too afraid of her inexperience. Choosing the wrong man would be a disaster, only this seemed right. All she had to do was walk through his door and tell him the truth.

He’s the one. I know he is. Reuben promised me I would recognize him. If I don’t try tonight, he never will. He doesn’t know how to.

She knocked once before pushing in the door and stepping over the threshold. Dorchad stood at one of the window slits, his long feet bare. The dampness of his hair told her he’d already bathed as well. While he didn’t turn around, his back muscles tensed under his tunic when she came in. The air smelled of soap and Dorchad’s rich, dark chocolate and cream scent, curling around her like an invisible quilt. He looked so alone, and that made her heart ache.

Am I the one for him?

“You should go back to your chamber, Doctor,” he said, his voice so low every word seemed to skitter on the air like stones tossed onto frozen ground. “I said all I wish to you in the barn.”

Yes, it seemed that he was still in full blown denial over what had happened earlier. Yet for some reason her heartbeat began to flutter, and it wasn’t from fear. He had known she’d come into his room without even looking at her. He could smell her, maybe, or sense the heat of her body. Not knowing what alerted him didn’t matter, only what it meant.

He’s as aware of me as I am of him.

“I will leave in a moment,” Rebecca said, closing the door, “but I have something I need to say to you before I do.”

He glanced back at her. “If you desire an apology, then I shall beg your pardon. ’Twasnae my right to punish you.” He turned and bowed lower than she’d ever seen him go. “My apologies.”

One thing she knew was that Dorchad wasn’t sorry at all about spanking her. Why was he lying? Did he think she was like all the other women he’d been with before now? Or hadn’t he been with anyone yet?

“There’s no reason for that,” she said softly. “I disobeyed your orders. Under the circumstances, the spanking was deserved. If I didn’t believe that, I would have fought you.”

Now Dorchad regarded her with his eyes narrowed and his mouth little more than a hard line. “I dinnae need your consolation. Say what you wish, wench, and get out.”

She’d pushed him from denial into anger. This could end up ruining her chance to be with him, and for a moment she thought she’d bolt and run. But he still didn’t know her, and that wasn’t fair.

“I’m not as young or as innocent as you think.” She had to convince him that what was happening between them wasn’t wrong, and that she shared his needs. But how could she put all that into words? “I don’t look like it but I’m almost thirty. I’ve also had a lover before now.”

“Only the one, I’ll wager.” He came over to her, his brows rising when she stood her ground. “Did the eejit hurt you? ’Tis all you ken of men and passion? Do you come to me for more of the same?”

He’s been thinking about it, too. Rebecca wanted to throw her arms around his neck and kiss him, but it wasn’t time for that. Yet. I have to show him that he can trust me.

“My first lover cared only about his own pleasure. He wanted me to be someone I’m not.” She looked into his black eyes. “He never carried me off or spanked me. He didn’t understand me.” She dragged in a quick breath. “You do.”

Dorchad curled his hand around the back of her neck, stroking the side of her throat with his thumb. It seemed like a casual, almost affectionate gesture, until she felt the edge of his thumbnail rasping over the fine hairs on her skin.

“Do I? And yet even as I do thus, I frighten you.” When she nodded slowly he moved his thumb up to her lower lip, and rubbed the dent where she’d bitten it too many times. “Then why dinnae you run away from me, eun dearg?”

“I want to be with you more than I want to run. You’re the one I hoped I’d meet someday.” As his brows rose she stepped closer, and dared to rest one hand on his chest. He didn’t know it, but they had to set the boundaries first. “I can give you what you need, too.”

He looked away from her face. “You’ve no notion of my desires.”

“In that barn I met the real you today, and you met the real me. We recognized each other.” She smiled as his grip on her throat tightened a fraction. “We fit together. You’re my other half. We can make each other whole.”

For a long moment Dorchad said nothing. He looked as if he thought she was about to burst out laughing and say it was all a joke. “You dinnae ken what you propose. You’d give yourself to a man like me.”

“I know exactly what I’m offering.” Acting on instinct, Rebecca dropped to her knees. Pain first. “It’s because I’m the other side of what you are.”

He stared down at her as if he didn’t recognize her. “I shall take you to the infirmary. Our healer hasnae returned, but I ken where he keeps his calming herbs.”

“Please, don’t turn me away.” She ducked her head, humiliated and yearning for more all at once. “You’re the only man who has ever understood me. You know all my secrets without me having to tell you a word. You knew what the spanking would do to me. You even checked me to be sure.”

“You ken naught of my secrets.” He didn’t touch her. “You’re mortal, Doctor. I’m no’. I cannae cherish you as an ordinary mortal might. One of your own kind can give you a happy life here and many bairns.”