Page 95 of Crown of the Courtesan

Except he doesn’t budge. “Will you please calm down?” he asks, nudging the back of my shoulder so that I turn around and face forward. “I’m not going to change my mind and take you over a rock. What I’m going to do is rub that knot out of your back. You’re still tense, and I don’t want you injuring yourself while on Pearl later. It’ll only slow us down.”

“We should be preparing to leave,” I insist. The commotion of the camp’s preparations is still muffled and chaotic in the background.

“We have a moment⁠—”

“But—”

“But nothing. You crave a human’s touch after putting your body through the Otherworld. I don’t think it’s wrong to seek a connection in order to ground yourself after enduring spirit pain.”

“With you?” I laugh, slightly regretting my cruel undertone.

“Yes, with me. I feel bad that I hurt you. I shouldn’t have brought up your mother when you were already vulnerable. So why don’t you quit pouting just because I won’t touch you the way you want me to?”

“That’s not⁠—”

“Then do away with your false modesty. It’s too late and there’s no point. Do you really think I haven’t already taken a long, hard look at the spiteful woman people believe to be warming my bed?”

I gasp and consider adding another injury to his already split lip.

“But that’s not what I’m focused on right now, believe it or not. What I’m focused on is how you’re holding your shoulder cockeyed and every time you sit up straight, you wince.”

“Was all of that really necessary?”

No answer. Ashland flatly orders, “Turn around.”

Too tired to fight him any longer, I face the wall of trees and watch the silverflies swoop. His hands roam over my back, kneading the aching muscles as he works the knot loose; soon, sweet relief spreads. A little moan escapes me, but I quickly press my lips shut, hoping he didn’t hear. He massages my ribs and side but stops abruptly. “Tabitha… I can tell one of your ribs has been broken before. Tell me what happened.”

My heart stops as I remember the late-night fights with Balor.

“What did he do to you?”

Everything.

Nothing.

Hesitating, I try to laugh away his question. “Why would I tell you? I wouldn’t want you getting any ideas.” But my voice sounds hollow—and I know he notices.

“Don’t. This is serious.”

His fingertips deftly probe my ribs and torso, making me pull away, the comfort he provided quickly evaporating. Ashland curses under his breath. “How long did this go on for? Why didn’t anybody do anything to stop it?”

My mind wanders, unwilling to focus. “Broken things are a reminder.”

“Fuck that and answer me.”

I want to tell him that my broken bones were nothing compared to my broken heart—the broken promises long ago shattered.

But instead, I turn around, facing him, and assert, “No.” Our eyes lock. “No one but the cathedral can intervene in the private disputes between a Keeper and his Lady Courtesan. While there are laws that are supposed to protect us, they are little more than ink on paper.” His concern begins to agitate my pumping blood. “Why does it even matter to you?”

“You may foster the opinion that I’m a heartless beast all you want, but have you stopped to notice that you’re very much alive and cared for in my custody? Now tell me.”

“I no longer wish to speak of it.” I take a deep breath. “Please, let it go… for me.” If he thinks I’ll open up and relive some of the worst moments of my life, he’s sadly mistaken.

Ashland’s hand rests on my back, not moving.

A breeze slides over my skin, making me shiver slightly before I descend into the hot springs with a little plop. I swim away from him and float for a few long minutes, regaining my composure.

I let the word Devana roll off my tongue, wishing I could learn more about the magic inside me—perhaps my only protection against the men of this world. “Ashland, do you think you could teach me about the differences between fae and witch magic?”