Page 105 of Diary of a Biker Queen

Queenie brought dinner to my room on a tray every night when she realized I wasn’t coming out for meals. She puttered around, tidying up as an excuse to hang around and make sure I actually ate something.

I did only to please her, and to feed the baby inside me.

Because I certainly didn’t feel like eating or feeding myself.

A knock came on my door, and Amber stuck her head in. She crinkled her face up at me. “Shit, girl. You planning on taking a shower today?”

I opened my mouth to defend myself and haughtily tell her I’d showered the night before. When I realized maybe I hadn’t. Days blurred into each other, and I actually couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten beneath the spray.

I rolled over in bed and faced the wall. “Go away, Amber. I don’t need a lesson in personal hygiene.”

She ripped the blanket off me. “Actually, you do, but that’s not why I’m here. War asked me to come down and get you. You have a visitor up at the gates.”

“Unless its Dax or Lynx, I don’t want to see anyone.”

And we both knew it wasn’t going to be either of them.

“It’s Carlos Guerra.”

I flipped over so fast it spun my head. “What?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, the guys are all up at the gates with their hands hovering over their guns. But Carlos came alone and unarmed. And he’s just standing there on the other side of the gates, insisting he talk to you. They’ve patted him down. War said its safe if you want to talk to him.”

I tried to force my tongue to say I didn’t want to see the callous, cold man who’d killed his own son. Who’d taken him from me before we’d really even gotten to be whatever we could have been with time. All I knew was I missed Luca. Missed that crackle of attraction that zinged in the air between us every time we were together. I missed the way it felt when he touched me. I even missed the arrogant sarcasm, that I’d actually found entertaining most of the time.

But instead of telling Amber I wasn’t interested in speaking to Carlos, I found my anger over Luca’s death burning inside me brighter than ever. It fueled me to get out of bed and put on shoes. It was that anger that got me up the road to the gates, where the club members all stepped aside and let me pass.

War caught my eye, and I nodded at the unspoken question in his eyes. Which simply asked: Do you really want to do this?

Hell yes, I did.

When he saw me coming, Carlos straightened from leaning against his car. His gaze flickered to my belly, and then back up to my face. I moved with unsteady legs, my knees wobbling, like I’d forgotten how to walk properly. But I didn’t stop until I was face-to-face with Luca’s father, his brown eyes so much like his son’s.

I slapped my palm across Carlos’s cheek so hard it rang out in the silence amongst the trees. Carlos’s head snapped to one side, and my palm ached like a thousand tiny bees had poked their stingers into me.

War, Fang, Hawk, and Reaper were all at my side in a second, Reaper shoving me back behind him, an almost growling noise coming from deep within his chest.

I hadn’t even meant to do it.

My body had reacted without any input from my brain, which, if consulted, might have warned that slapping a Mafia don in the face might not have been my brightest move.

And yet, I didn’t regret it for a second.

Carlos brought his hand up to cover the red mark I’d left on his skin. He waved a hand at the men. “It’s fine. I probably deserved that.”

I pushed past Reaper, refusing to be held back or protected. “Probably? Probably deserved it? You deserve so much more than a slap in the face! You murdered your own son, you piece of shit! You deserve to be locked away in those cages you’re so fond of and tortured until you fucking beg for a bullet.”

Carlos’s lips thinned into a line. “You’re right. I’ve made mistakes, and I did what I needed to correct them.” He breathed out heavily, staring at me. “You come from this world, Nyah. You know what it is as well as he did. It was him or me. You can’t blame me for picking me.”

Except I could. Because I knew in my heart I would pick this baby over me every damn second of every day for the rest of my life. God knew that was the only reason I was still breathing right now. If it hadn’t been for this baby, I probably would have thrown myself off the second-floor balcony of my parents’ home the day I’d found out about it.

But I kept going. For him. For this baby who had done nothing wrong and deserved a life full of love and happiness.

“I will always blame you. You killed your own son.”

“I had my enemy taken care of. Luca knew what he was getting into.” His face crumpled, and for perhaps the first time ever, there was true emotion there. “But it doesn’t mean I enjoyed it, Nyah. It doesn’t mean that decision won’t eat away at me for the rest of my days. It doesn’t mean I won’t see the remains of his charred body in my nightmares. You think I wanted this? Any of it? I didn’t. I wanted my son at my side. That’s all I ever cared about.”

I shook my head. “You have a funny way of showing it. What do you want, Carlos? Why are you even here?”