Page 84 of Diary of a Biker Queen

just mean antidisestablishmentarianism.

Ilay there in a bed that smelled of sex, while the shower ran, Luca filling the little room with so much steam it seeped out from the crack between the door and floor.

Nyah’s lips and tongue traced patterns on my skin, and I wanted to memorize every one. Every feel of her against me, on me, in me.

“You said you loved me,” I whispered.

“I know,” she said softly back.

“Did you mean it? Or were you just trying to hurt your parents?”

She lifted her head to look at me. “I think I meant it, Lynx. I think I love you.”

My breath hitched at the honesty in her expression.

And in the moment, I was sure she meant it. But she had big feelings for Luca. That was constantly evident in the way they sparred. And even a blind man would be able to see she was in love with Dax.

I didn’t know how I fit.

And until I did, I couldn’t say it back. Couldn’t tell her I was in love with her, as so much more than a friend, and had been for a long time.

I couldn’t break my own heart by admitting the truth.

So I just kissed her mouth.

And swallowed down all the words I’d wanted to say ever since I’d first laid eyes on her.

26

NYAH

Dear Diary,

That Scottish accent is really starting to grate on my nerves.

Istared into Lynx’s eyes; my heart wide open. I tried to recall the words. It was too soon. We’d only just started sleeping together, and there was the complicated mess of what was going on with Dax and Luca and this baby to add into the equation.

Heat burned my cheeks, the silence stretching out between us. I tried really hard to force new words out of my mouth, ones that laughed and told him I was just joking. That of course I didn’t love him, and yes, maybe I now knew what it felt like to have him inside me but that didn’t mean we had to be anything more than friends.

Except my heart screamed we were. It shouted I did love him, because he’d been my friend first. That I didn’t need to have been sleeping with him for months to know what sort of man he was, and to love him so wholeheartedly because of it.

Had I really just said, “I think I love you?”

There was no “think” about it. When the cards had been laid down at my parents’ feet, the truth had come out.

I did love Lynx. For everything he was, and especially for the way he’d always treated me, from the very first moment we’d met.

My phone rang, and I scrambled to answer it, grateful for the fact I had a reason to turn away. Because him not saying it back had left an awkward feeling in the air I really wanted to erase.

I didn’t even look at the caller ID before I hit answer, which probably showed how desperate I was for a reprieve from Lynx’s steady gaze. I pulled the sheet off the bed and wrapped it around my naked body. “Hello?”

“Hey.”

I closed my eyes, and Dax’s warm, familiar voice came down the line. He was always a beacon of strength. He always knew exactly what I needed and showed up at the right moment, even when he couldn’t possibly have known what I needed right now was to be engulfed in his steadying presence.

“Are you on your way here?” I so desperately hoped he was calling from the Slayers’ gates. Or even better, from right outside my bedroom door.

“No. I…” He swallowed so thickly it was audible. “I’m not coming.”