Page 105 of Liberating Lily

Lily waited for him to tell her that she wasn’t a mess.

But he just smiled. “Yeah, you are a mess.”

She gaped at him. Had he really just said that?

“But it’s okay to be a mess. It’s okay not to know everything. It’s all right if you have moments of doubt, fear, and anger. That’s all normal. I’d be more worried if you were completely fine. That would concern me.”

She guessed she understood that. “I suppose I’m just frustrated because it feels like I’m not where you are at. I mean, in the beginning, my plan was just to go along with what you wanted so you’d fall into a false sense of security and then I could escape.”

He raised his eyebrows and gave her a look.

Oops, maybe she shouldn’t have told him that. She gave him a wide smile.

“So that was your plan, was it? Interesting.”

“It’s not my plan anymore, of course,” she reassured him. “I mean, I don’t know exactly when it changed. Maybe it was you taking care of me while I was ill and detoxing. There was no way that my mother would have done anything like that for me. I couldn’t imagine anyone else bathing me and holding my hair back while I was sick. But I actually think it was a culmination of lots of different things that sort of exploded when you kissed me.”

“And now we’re back to how your body feels when I touch and kiss you. Because you still haven’t explained that to me, you know.”

“I haven’t?” she asked weakly. Drat. She’d been hoping he would forget about that.

“No, baby, you haven’t. Are you saying that your body wanted me before your mind?”

Yeah, she hadn’t thought about it quite in that way, but she guessed he was kind of right. Her body had wanted him before her mind had caught up to that fact. And then she hadn’t been quite ready to figure it all out before he’d shocked her with that whole spanking thing.

“It’s just taking me a while to process everything. And not all of us have amazing self-esteem.”

“You should,” he told her. “Because you are perfect.”

“I’m really not, and I hope that when you find out I’m not perfect, you’re not going to be really disappointed.”

“I won’t be disappointed. But you’re right, we can’t be all perfect. If we were, life would be boring. When I say you’re perfect, I guess I just mean you’re perfect for me.”

Wow. Had he really just said that?

And she knew he meant it because he wasn’t the sort of guy to say things he didn’t mean.

“I don’t even know what to say to that. Sometimes I feel like I’m a hundred miles behind you. And I feel bad about admitting that.”

“Why would you feel bad about that?”

“Because you noticed me, but I don’t think I ever really saw you. Which is crazy, because how could anyone not notice you? Look at you, you’re the sexiest guy in the room. You’re . . . you’re . . . you. And I hear how ridiculous I sound. It’s like I don’t have words in my vocabulary to describe how you look and how I’m attracted to you, and that’s so frustrating.” She slammed her hands down against her thighs, and he quickly took grabbed them, holding them steady.

“You are not allowed to hurt yourself. There is nothing wrong with being unsure and wanting a bit longer to process something. But you need to make sure that you are not harming yourself or you’ll be in trouble.” His voice was stern, and a shiver went up her spine.

“Did that just turn you on?” he asked.

What? How could he tell that? She thought she’d hidden her reaction well. Unfortunately, that didn’t seem to be the case as he grinned.

“It did, didn’t it? You like it when I get a bit stern. Perhaps you need a different kind of consequence for when you break the rules. At least until you’re ready to try being spanked.”

Eek.

She shook her head. “No, I’m good. I don’t think I need any consequences.” She was all too aware of how high-pitched her voice had grown.

“Hmm, no, I think there should be a consequence for you not answering my question about how your body reacts to my kiss.”

Oh, hell. He really wasn’t giving that up, was he?