Page 124 of Liberating Lily

“Like what?” she asked. “What other use could you have for a vibrator?”

“I don’t know, maybe a foot massager or a back scratcher. Hey, maybe it could be used to froth up the milk for our morning coffee.”

She just stared at him for a long moment. Surely he wasn’t serious. Then she spotted him grinning. “Stop that. You had me going for a moment there.”

“Poor baby,” he told her. “Don’t worry so much, all right? You need to learn to de-stress. You know what is good for de-stressing, right?”

Oh, she knew exactly what he was going to say.

“An orgasm,” she replied dryly.

“What? No. Oh, well, I suppose it could be. I was going to say a back massage. But if an orgasm’s what you need to de-stress, well, I’m your man.”

Oh, Lord. She walked right into that one. But to be honest, looking at all those sex toys had only increased her arousal, not eased it.

Which was a problem, because she had no idea now how she was going to get to sleep.

“You’re still turned on, aren’t you, baby? Do you need my help?” he asked.

There was no way she could tell him yes, right? Yes, she wanted him to touch her, but she wasn’t sure that she wanted anything more than that. It was wrong to take without giving back. She knew that.

So she shook her head.

“Remember that lying to me is against the rules,” he warned.

This was going to take some getting used to. She wasn’t used to sharing all of her thoughts and feelings. Her mother had always preferred that she keep those to herself, which might be part of her problem.

“All right,” she blurted out grouchily. “Yes, I’m turned on, but I don’t need to do anything about it. I don’t think I’m ready to do anything more. I’m sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize, baby. You’re not ready.”

“It’s not that I don’t want you to touch me,” she said. “I’m just not sure how far I can go, or if I’ll need to stop or . . . I don’t know if I can do the same for you.” She rushed out the last words, embarrassed to say them, and she could feel him growing still as he stared at her. But she wasn’t able to raise her gaze up from his chin to see his full face.

“Lily, I want you to look at me. Come on, look at me. So your only worry is that you won’t be able to give me the same in return?”

“Well, I wouldn’t say it’s my only worry, but I guess it’s the most pressing one.”

“Then we’re going to try this. If you need to stop, you say red. And you also need to know that I don’t want anything in return. This is going to be all about you.”

“But that’s not fair,” she protested.

“Not fair, baby? You think I don’t dream about getting my mouth on your pussy? About hearing you cry out in pleasure?

You think I don’t get off on that? I want that more than I want anything done to me. More than I want my own pleasure. Trust me on that.”

“It seems so selfish, though, and I’m trying desperately not to be selfish anymore.”

“You thought you were selfish before now?”

“I know that I was,” she said. “I know that I thought more about myself than other people.”

“Lily, you were drugged. You were being held hostage by your mother. Financially, emotionally, and physically abused by her since she was drugging you without your permission. What you weren’t is selfish.”

“I’m not sure about that. I think I mostly thought about myself.”

“I don’t believe it. But whatever you think now, I know that you’re not selfish. You think a lot about how I feel, my needs, my wants. You always put them before your own.”

She thought about that for a long moment, and she realized he was actually right.