Page 177 of Liberating Lily

“Yeah, because if I went out the front door, I might have had to talk to your sister and her friend. And I wasn’t ready to do that.”

“What did you do for money?” he asked. “How did you get here?”

“Inside my handbag was some jewelry. I pawned that and my handbag and bought a bus ticket. My only thought was to go to Clem. I just needed to apologize to her in order to find some closure.”

“And did you think about me at all?”

She took a step toward him, then stilled. Unable to move. Because the way he was talking, it wasn’t the way Harvey normally spoke to her. There was no gentleness in his voice, no softness as he stared at her.

Another tear dripped down her face. She’d ruined everything.

This was all her fault.

“I missed you every moment of every day,” she told him. “I really thought that after some time, I’d start to miss you less. But if anything, I was missing you more. My state of mind wasn’t a good one. I couldn’t reason anything through. I think I needed just a moment to think, but I took it too far. At the very least, I should have left a note. By the time I’d gotten on that bus, well, I didn’t know how to come back from that. And I still had to come and see Clem. When I got here, I knew I had to contact you, I just couldn’t find the words. Being here, it’s healed something inside me, but it also made me realize there’s a huge rift, a place right here.” She touched her chest. “Where you are. I’ve missed you like crazy, Harvey, and I’m so, so sorry. I know I’ve ruined it all. I had my happy ever after right in front of me, and I just let it go, and that’s something I have to live with. I’m not sure how I’m going to do it, though.”

“You’re talking like this is over, Lily. Do you want this to be over, you and I?”

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“What? No, of course I don’t want it to be over. I love you, Harvey. I want to be with you. If I hadn’t left, I could still be with you. But I did leave, and I know there’s no way to forgive me.”

“Who said there’s no way to forgive you?”

“You’re looking at me like you don’t even want to talk to me or see me. You’re looking at me like you don’t like me very much.”

“I’m upset with you, Lily. Really upset with you. Mad, even. Not just for disappearing; I can understand that your mind was in a strange place, and it’s partly my fault for leaving you. But what I’m mostly mad about is that you didn’t try to contact me. You didn’t try to let me know that you were all right.”

She sniffled. “What do we do now?”

“Do you want to be with me, Lily?” he asked.

“Yes, I want to be with you. Do you want to be with me?”

He nodded. “I do.”

What did she do now? He was just standing there. Did he not want to hug her? Did he not want to touch her?

He still seemed so mad. How could she make everything better between them?

An idea came to her, but was she brave enough to go through with it?

She just didn’t know.

So she stood there staring at him. Suddenly something brushed against her back, giving her a shove, and she stumbled forward, right into him. He could have pushed her away. He could have kept his arms at his sides and not caught her, but instead, he wrapped his arms around her and held her steady.

Lily let out a gasp of surprise as she stared up at him.

“Did that steer just shove you against me?” he asked.

“Yeah, that’s Rump Roast. Sometimes he can be a real jerk, like how he’s blocking the driveway, although he’s not as much of a jerk as Chuck Roast.”

“Rump Roast and Chuck Roast?” he asked.

“Yeah, they’re not actually related, so don’t be fooled by their names.”

“I don’t really know what to say to that.”

“Clem has an unusual way of naming her animals. Most of them are dicks too. Especially the rooster. Don’t look him in the eyes. He’ll take it as a challenge. Actually, Chuck Roast does that too. He thinks he’s a bull. He likes to charge at you.”