Page 35 of Liberating Lily

It wasn’t just that. It was everything.

Lily had become so used to other people running her life that making decisions seemed terrifying. What if she did the wrong thing? What if she went right when she should have gone left? What if she just ran and ran and never found her way out?

Maybe she was better off here with Harvey.

No, no, that couldn’t be right. She couldn’t just give up. She had to have some fight left.

But what happened if she did get free? There was nothing left for her out there.

Her wedding to Rick had been called off. Both families were broke. She had no trust fund. Not that she’d know how to access it, anyway.

She had no money, no skills, no family.

Except for Clem, of course. But would her sister even take her in?

She probably just saw Lily as indifferent and uncaring. And honestly, Clem was better off without her anyway.

What would life with Harvey be like if she stayed? Maybe it would be okay for a while, but would he get sick of her? She wasn’t really that interesting.

Lily rubbed at her chest. She could feel her heart starting to race faster and faster.

This was why she needed her pills. She was all over the place with her emotions and reactions.

She ran her hands over the clothes he’d chosen. There was a soft pair of white pants and a blue-and-white-striped shirt. They looked comfortable but elegant, exactly what she would have chosen for herself, and nothing like what her mother liked to put her in. Everything had always been stiff and uncomfortable.

Lily wanted to try jeans, maybe even shorts.

She really was getting rebellious now, wasn’t she? She rolled her eyes at herself. Perhaps she should protest by not putting the clothes on. But at the same time, she just couldn’t stand wearing these clothes for another day.

And so she quickly stripped them off, then pulled the other clothes on. The material felt so nice against her skin. It was clear they were expensive, but they didn’t scream expensive.

Which was something else she liked too.

To her surprise, there was also a pair of ballet flats in the right size.

She slid those on and then looked in the mirror. She didn’t have any makeup to cover up her pale skin and the marks under her eyes. And her hair was still flat and lifeless, but she had found a hairbrush, so at least it wasn’t matted and knotty anymore.

All in all, it was an improvement.

Moving to the window, she took a look outside. The weather looked so nice today. The sun was already shining. She wished she could open a window, but she was scared about setting off those alarms again.

As far as she could see, though, there were only trees. They really were isolated out here.

Her stomach rumbled as she stood staring out the window. She needed to eat something. If she was going to get out of here and figure out her life, she needed to build up her strength.

Everything just seemed so overwhelming though.

Just breathe, Lily.

Hopefully he’d get her pills for her soon, although she was starting to wonder if she really wanted to take them again. Sure, it made life easier if she didn’t have to think or worry. But did that make things better? Or was she just wimping out?

Lily headed down the stairs and into the kitchen where she could hear noises.

Harvey was standing at the stove. Turning, he studied her and satisfaction filled his face. “Good, they fit. Although I feel like you’ve lost weight. Were you restricting your food intake? You said that you hadn’t eaten pasta in a long time.”

She guessed that she had stopped eating everything that she really loved because of her mother and the comments she would make. She’d always been happiest when Lily was small. So Lily had done whatever she needed to do to keep herself thin, including giving up pasta.

But it hadn’t been like she’d had much of an appetite anyway. The numb helped with that.