Page 122 of Lucky 14

Oakley gets the most adorable, confused look on his face. Then, he shakes his head. “No, not me, Ky. You.”

Me? I frown. What is he on about?

“The blackouts…she thinks that’s what’s causing it.” He won’t look at me. “Another…personality. I don’t know.” Oakley lets out a breath. “She didn’t want to tell you ‘cause…well, Wyatt doesn’t like us very much. But I couldn’t keep it from you.”

The information turns around in my head. Wyatt? He thinks I have other people in my head?

I scoff, but I immediately regret it ‘cause Oakley winces.

And that’s when I realize he’s serious.

“You think…I have multiple personalities?” I can’t keep the incredulous tone out of my voice.

“No, that’s what she thinks! I…I don’t know…” Oakley turns a pleading look on me. “I’m just trying to help you, Ky. Please don’t be mad.”

Oh, so he does think I’m crazy. He’s being serious right now.

Suddenly, Oakley is too close. He’s smothering me. I can’t breathe.

Demon. You’re a fucking demon! Dad’s voice screams in my head as he tries to drown me.

“I…” I stand, shifting so Oakley slides off my lap.

“Wait, Ky.” He grabs for me, and I shake him off immediately. Oakley can’t think I’m crazy, right? Dad thought I was crazy. Oakley can’t be like my dad. He just…can’t.

My chest feels tight, and the room feels so small. I can hear the rain on the roof, the hum of the computer, the thump of my heart, the rushing of the blood in my ears, and Oakley’s pleas to get me to wait. It’s all so loud, loud, fucking loud. The voices are back now, too, calling me a demon, screaming that we aren’t safe.

I need quiet. Stillness. Safety.

Pushing out of the room, I stalk down the hall, into the living room, and burst outside.

It’s dark out, and the rain is falling in sheets. I walk straight out into it, turning my face up, letting the cold water splatter against it. It feels like tiny, icy needles, pricking me and melting down my face, running into a puddle at my feet.

I’m not fucking crazy. I’m not.

I stand there, wishing the rain could swallow me up. Wishing I could drown in it. The rain is so loud, which makes everything else quiet. I’m alone, but I’m not. It’s me, the water, and the feeling of an icy hug. And the demons.

They’re yelling, shoving me around, trying to take over. Trying to push me out of existence.

Suddenly, I smell cigarette smoke.

Jerking my head down, I scan the area, but I don’t see anyone. I squint through the rain. Everything is dark.

Just a memory.

I pull in a breath. I used to be able to make the pain go away by focusing on one thing. Like breathing underwater. Just that, and everything else faded into the distance. I try it again with the rain.

Dad’s voice reverberates in my head, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Focus on the rain. The cold slide down my face. The cold clothes sticking to my body.

I’m not crazy. I’m real. I’m me. I have a whole life. A whole life where…

I try to remember my childhood, digging up memories from when I was really young. I remember swimming in the pool in the backyard. I remember being able to breathe the water and Dad screaming at me, waving a paper in my face.

“Why’s your name on this, boy?”

I remember looking at the drawing. It was a stick-figure kid lying down, with X’s for eyes and red between its legs. There were two monsters there, too.

Dad had kicked me, demanding why my name was on it. But it wasn’t my name on it. I remember that with absolute certainty. Dad had gotten the wrong kid’s drawing. I didn’t make that drawing. It was some kid named Wyatt.