Page 156 of Lucky 14

Oakley frowns. “I…”

“Don’t go.” I stand now, almost going up to him but stopping short, unsure what I was going to do anyway.

Oakley is looking at me like he’s not sure what my intentions are and like he might think I’m a little crazy. Which just makes that rush of anger hit my veins. How dare he look at me like that when I’m trying to help him?

My body quivers. What am I doing? I planned this whole thing.

Oakley is watching me closely, gaze perceptive. Then, his body softens. “Okay, little fox.”

The nickname hits me, and then the realization. The soap fox. The other animals. Are those supposed to be us?

Suddenly, I’m overwhelmed with grief. It comes out of nowhere, hitting me straight in the chest like a sharp-tipped arrow. He’s made us into a little family. As if that’s something we could ever be after everything.

I rub my chest where it hurts. I always wanted a family. My parents never stuck around, and then Connor was taken from me. And now Oakley has the audacity to pretend like that could be us, after all we’ve been through?

I take a shuddering breath in because deep down, I want that. And it terrifies me that I want that, because I don’t know how to get it. I don’t know how to trust again.

“I…” I back up, away from Oakley and the animals. It’s hard. It’s like there’s a magnet in my body pulling me back toward the man in front of me. There’s a voice that whispers that I could have those animals if I just reached out and grabbed them. If I just pushed past that terror and grief.

“Holli?”

“Just…stay inside.” And with that, I turn and run.

CHAPTER SEVENTY-FIVE

I don’t go far. I scramble to find the phone to send Sawyer a message to call everything off. I fucked up. I really fucked up.

My hands tremble when I make the call.

He doesn’t pick up.

I try again, but still no answer. I text him.

Me: Game’s off. Come back.

Nothing. My breathing is fast. How could I do this? I’m no better than Oakley. Only, maybe I’m worse, because I know what I’m signing him up for.

Nausea hits me so hard I know I’m going to puke. I just make it to the trash in the living room before I’m hurling the contents of my stomach. Which isn’t much. I haven’t been eating. But as I puke, it feels like some of the fear and hatred and anger go with it. When I’m done, I feel empty. But also…cleaner.

I can’t go through with that. I can’t stay Fourteen forever.

That’s when I realize the house is quiet. Too quiet.

Wait, did Oakley leave?

I jump up in a panic. What if he left, and Sawyer hasn’t seen my calls?

Adrenaline burns bright in me, and I dart to the front door, ripping it open. A wave of humid air hits me, but I don’t see Oakley. For a second, I can’t breathe. I fucked up the opportunity to make things work. Oakley apologized, and I spat in his face. Neither of us will find family.

And then I see his shoes by the front door.

By the door. He hasn’t left.

Relief hits me so strongly I sag. He hasn’t left. There’s still a chance.

But wait. What if he put on another pair of shoes?

I have to find him. Grabbing the phone out of my pocket, I dial Sawyer again. I can’t call Oakley yet; we only have one house phone at the moment. Which means I can’t call Kyan or Wyatt either.