Page 36 of Save Me

My stomach drops. Has someone been fake to Maddox, then ripped the rug out from under him?

I think back to all of Maddox’s reactions. He always looks so serious, but sometimes I see his pupils widen, and he looks at me like…like he can see me. It’s almost always followed by his eyes widening and his gaze darting around. Like he’s afraid.

Princess squirms in my arms, and I squeeze him to my aching chest. Why would Maddox be afraid? Not of me specifically, I’m fairly certain. Right? I haven’t done anything to him.

I haven’t, but what if someone else has?

My stomach turns. I have to find Maddox and make sure he’s okay. I’ll apologize for anything I might have done, and we can figure this out. I can fix this. I shouldn’t have invited him here. That was a mistake. What if he doesn’t like crowds? Freak, I was so selfish.

“Where are you going?” Mom’s voice is annoyed.

“Home.” I open my texts. I got Maddox’s real number after I offered him Mom’s address so we could meet up.

Me: Hey there, you good?

Maddox doesn’t respond, and my blood pressure spikes immediately. I try to stamp it down. Of course he hasn’t responded; he’s probably still driving.

Still, I send another.

Me: Do you need help? Can I get you anything?

Princess is more than happy to get in the car.

Poop nuggets. What if something happens to Maddox on his way home? I’ll never know.

Now my heart’s really racing, and I feel sick. Maybe he was sick, and we’re both down bad. I don’t care. As long as he’s okay.

I start my car and drive down the road. This was a terrible idea. Mom is so much worse now that Dad’s gone. Not that she was great before, but Dad was a buffer for her. Now I’m the buffer, and suddenly I’m missing Dad. Which is such a weird feeling to miss someone you hate. But I am a glutton for punishment. I love people till they leave me, whether that’s through their own choice or death.

Glancing down at my phone, I see Maddox still hasn’t said anything. My heart is racing. Fudge, what if he wrecked? How would I know?

I should call. But what if he thinks that’s too overbearing?

I call anyway.

No response, which just makes me feel sick.

Then, I realize his apartment is just a few minutes from my place. I could swing by to make sure he made it back.

No, Micah! That’s crazy stalker talk.

Ahhhh, well, it would be if I were a crazy stalker. Which I’m not. I’m just a regular stalker, apparently. Because before I know it, I’m pulling into Maddox’s lot. And there, in front of his apartment, is his RAV4.

The breath I let out is massive. It feels like all the bones in my body have turned into those jelly candy sticks, and now I’m sinking into my seat. I sink into it, heavy as a rock, driving slowly through the lot.

I was being crazy. He’s fine. This is fine. It’s going to be okay.

But then I realize I never checked to make sure he made it out of the car. What if he passed out in the driver’s seat?

That makes my muscles harden again, and I slam on the brakes, throwing my car into reverse and going back until I can see that Maddox is not, in fact, in the front seat. I’d see his massive frame if he were.

Okay, so I’m being an actual nut. Guess calling my mom crazy earlier was ironic.

But fudge, I care about him. Earlier, Maddox listened to me. Truly listened when I talked about my mom. And he said he was sorry. No one has said that. No one listens to me, really. Probably because I talk so much, they don’t know what to listen to, but Maddox listens. I wonder if anyone listens to him?

I want to. Holy Toledo, do I want to. I want to know everything about him, to know every thought that crosses his mind. And I want to wipe that sad look from his lips and make him smile again.

That’s when I come to the conclusion that I haven’t been trying hard enough. I just have to try harder, that’s all.