Page 183 of Fake it ’Til Fall

A problem Daisy can fix because Daisy always fixes problems. Daisy smiles. Daisy handles. Daisy converts heartbreak into bullet points and calls it maturity. Daisy returns to the vineyard, helps the woman who slept with her fiancé walk down the aisle, and somehow everyone gets to feel proud of how well she managed.

I look at my mother and want to say, I’m not ready.

Not for the wedding.

For the version of myself I become here.

I want to say that in the past three weeks, I have learned I can have a life that does not orbit this place. I can work at a bookstore café and be tired but mine. I can sit across from a grumpy man and talk about donor infrastructure and books and dogs with terrible judgment. I can be wanted without being polished first.

I can be hurt without making it convenient.

Mom reaches for my arm. “Darling, I know this is a lot, but if we can just get through the next few days⁠—”

I have been getting through for so long I forgot it is not the same as living.

Forrest’s hand brushes mine.

I don’t take his hand.

Not because I don’t want to.

Because this one has to be mine.

“Mom,” I say.

She pauses.

“I need a second.”

Mom’s expression tightens with concern. “Daisy⁠—”

“No.” My voice stays calm, which surprises both of us. “I need a second before I walk into another room and act like this is only a wedding.”

Forrest goes still beside me.

Mom blinks. “I know it’s difficult.”

“Do you?”

The question is quiet.

It does not sound like me.

Or maybe it sounds more like me than anything I have said since I came back.

Mom’s face changes.

I almost apologize.

Almost.

But the words keep coming, not loud, not cruel, just too tired to keep dressing themselves up.

“Because everyone keeps saying ‘difficult’ like that covers it. Like difficult is a polite little tablecloth we can throw over what happened so no one has to look directly at it. Liam cheated. Carla knew. I left because staying meant everyone staring at me like I was the problem no one wanted near the good china. And now I’m back to make their wedding beautiful.”

“Daisy,” Mom whispers.

“I know the vineyard needs the money.” I nod, because that part is true and I am done pretending truth only gets one side. “I know you were trying to protect the business. I know life doesn’t stop because my heart got humiliated in public. I know all of that.”