Page 32 of Badmouths & Bards

Ameriden was quiet again. He looked guilty, but that made no sense to him. Unless…

“Did you…”

“No, never!” Ameriden exclaimed. “It’s both of us or neither of us.”

A small swell of relief washed over Casimine. It was a small insecurity—the thought of Ameriden waking up one day and realizing he had no affection for him anymore. That he could easily love anyone without him—the weight of that doubt hurt more than anything. Casimine did his best to calm his breathing as he waited for Ameriden to continue. When he didn’t, Casimine licked his lips.

“Whatever is on your mind, Amer, you can say it. I’m not as fragile as you think I am,” he assured.

“Casi, I don’t think your—”

Casimine hushed him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

“Just tell me, Amer.”

“I like her—” Ameriden closed his eyes. “I mean I like her more than just liking the idea of her riding my dick.”

“You have affection for her… like the kind you have for me?”

His eyes shot open. “No! No—at least, I don’t know. We’ve known her for a week, Casi. But I won’t lie and act like it’s not easy to feel for her.”

“Do you still love me?” Casimine asked, as if he wasn’t insecure. The words were rarely said between them, but he was suddenly desperate to hear them again.

“Of course I do!” Ameriden clumsily sat up beside him, his hand curling around Casimine’s neck. He looked frantic, like he needed to be believed. “I love you, Casi. I fucking love you.”

Pretty words to some, but for Casimine? Ameriden’s love was everything. It kept him grounded when the entire world felt too big. When the audience grew too loud and Casimine could no longer see the spotlight.

“I love you, too,” Casimine murmured, pressing a kiss to Ameriden’s palm. “I’m sorry you’ve been dealing with this guilt. If I had known, I would have said something sooner.”

His companion looked confused, arched brow raising higher. It was funny how much their livelihoods depended on their ability to communicate when they could never do it themselves. It had always been easier to use their mouths and tongues to convey feelings than their words.

“I like her the way you do, you silly man,” Casimine whispered against his mouth.

Ameriden’s eyes widened. “Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I was going to wait to tell you when you were feeling better,” Casimine confessed. “I wanted to make sure you were ready to hear it, but when I woke up, you looked so defeated.”

“This is new,” Ameriden whispered.

“For both of us.”

“I’m not sure what to do. Before, I thought we would just lay on the charm, throw in some innuendo, and everything else would fall into place.” Ameriden sighed.

Once they had decided to start planning their encounters, there had always been a familiar rhythm to it. They would go to a high-end inn—the kind that understood discretion—and pick a courtesan. In smaller areas, and a few drinks later, they’d usually end up bringing a one night stand back to their room.

Only Taldesa wasn’t a courtesan or a one night stand. She wasn’t even theirs outside of being their bodyguard. She was complicated, messy, and alluring in her self-imposed indifference.

Not to mention she has this mysterious person she’s desperate to get in contact with.

Falling in love—or seeing the potential of falling in love after knowing someone for a week wasn’t that strange. Love songs, poems, and first hand accounts said it was possible to fall in love at first sight. Water Mother knew Casimine had certainly felt it when he first saw Ameriden’s face—though he doubted the bard knew it at the time. Realizing that they could both fall for someone who wasn’t the other—well, it was understandable why they had both kept their thoughts to themselves.

“Perhaps a different approach.” Casimine stretched a hand toward the coffee table.

“I get the feeling she’s not going to be into a serenade,” Ameriden dryly replied. “Last time I played something on my lute, she threatened to beat me with it.”

Casimine laughed, bypassing the parchment for the novel beneath. He flipped the book open, skimming the pages until he found what he was looking for. Opening the book wider, Casimine showed the page to his companion.

“You think smut is going to make her into us?” Ameriden frowned. “I mean, it’s not how I would do it, but sure—”