Page 83 of Badmouths & Bards

“You asked for help,” Aelidon said.

Tala stared, completely lost for words. Even when Aelidon laughed at her silence, Tala couldn’t summon a single clever mouthed thing to say in return.

“Taldesa, you’ve always been a great fighter. I never questioned those skills, especially with that willpower of yours. That’s how I knew you’d eventually grow immune to poison—Cercel filled me in on that one,” Aelidon pushed back on her heels and stood. “No, the thing that worried me the most about you was your ability to trust others.”

“What are you talking about?” Tala frowned. “I trust others—I trust Cercel!”

“But you didn’t before.” Aelidon crossed the small path and stopped once she was within arms reach. “When you arrived here, you were angry. At first, I thought it was because of your time with your previous mentors, but then I realized it ran deeper than that. Your anger—especially around authority—it was always a symptom of something greater. Taldesa, you wore your anger like an armor. It was something that you used to protect yourself and it served its purpose when you were young and vulnerable. It kept you alive in combat. But anger can only serve us so long, especially the kind you carry. It keeps people from getting close, makes it impossible for us to work with others, and I worried that you would never learn to trust anyone.”

“Oh.” Tala took a deep, shaky breath. “Well, shit. I—I thought the mission was a test. To see if I could follow the tenets of the Dauntless Verity.”

Aelidon shook her head. “No. At least, not in the way you thought. My hope was that being around new people—people who weren’t tied up in an institution you saw as a threat—would help you gain more perspective. And I believe it has.”

“So…does that mean I’m not being kicked out?”

“Is there a reason you seem so eager to be?”

Truthfully, Tala wasn’t sure. She had walked into the High Conservator’s chamber expecting to leave and never come back. Now, it sounded like everything Tala had been agonizing over was all in her head. There was no clear path, no emotion she could ride to get her through the situation she found herself in. Just honesty…and trust.

Tala bit her lip.

“I…I have something I should probably tell you.”

Tala stood outside the familiar door at the Golden Manor, fist poised to knock. She had been stuck in that position for a whole minute, nerves making it impossible for her to move her arm. Cowardly—fuck, this was so spineless of her.

Yes, she was still reeling from the fact that by some miracle, the night hadn’t ended up in a full on disaster. She was still a member of the Valiant Circle, still trusted to guard Cashmere Fantasy—even after the revelation that she had been, well, compromised. Aelidon hadn’t pushed farther than asking if Tala thought her feelings would interfere with her duties, and when Tala said no, it had been enough for the High Conservator.

Tala was alive—so were her charges and their manager. The only thing that had been lost was a heap of gold, but wasn’t that the best case scenario in a wild situation like theirs? All that was left now was to face the one thing she had been avoiding for a long time and yet, here she was frozen with anticipation of some blow out.

Nothing ever works out for me…Tala took a deep, breath. Then another. But maybe even if it doesn’t, it’ll be okay.

Her knuckles struck the door twice. Tala lowered her hand—or tried to, but the door was suddenly jerked open so fast it nearly made her punch out in retaliation. She only paused when she saw them, Ameriden and Casimine, shoulder to shoulder. Tala briefly registered their wide eyes, the look of concern before Ameriden caught her by the wrist and hurled her inside.

Tala was about to bark out a curse at the rough handling, but her words caught in her throat as Casimine swung his arms around her shoulders and drew her in close. The warmth of his body enveloped her, and it only grew warmer when Ameriden came up beside them and hugged them both.

“We were so worried,” Casimine confessed against her shoulder. “We thought you weren’t coming back.”

“We were ready to file a ton of complaints against the Valiant Circle if it meant getting you back,” Ameriden murmured against the crown of her head.

“That’s fucking dramatic,” Tala said, suddenly embarrassed at the way her voice sounded shaky, even to her own ears. “You’re so dramatic. Fuck.”

The emotion finally punched its way out of Tala’s body. She was swallowing back saliva in her mouth as her body trembled between them. Tears that she didn’t think existed in her anymore sprung to the corners of her eyes. It wasn’t the same forceful deluge Avie had sobbed against her shoulder on her bad days, but it was real and stronger than the anger that had steered her life for the past few decades.

The boys weren’t any helpful either. They only held her tighter, pressing kisses where they could, and murmured comforting nonsense as Tala fell apart. The release was even more powerful than the endorphins from fighting, from sex, and Tala was overwhelmed with it all. How long had she gone without this old familiar relief? How long since she had been allowed to make mistakes and cry into her mother’s skirts?

Eventually, Tala grew suffocated by it all and she gently pushed them away. They didn’t argue, Casimine already wiping her tears away with a handkerchief and Ameriden fetching a cup of water. They moved her toward their bed, tucking her in the center and wrapping her with blankets as they sat by her side. When she had recovered—a little light headed and emotionally spent—Tala steadied herself.

“Are you okay?” Ameriden asked, stroking her arm.

“Do you need anything?” Casimine asked, pulling the blanket more firmly around her.

“You…” Tala paused, steeling her nerves and heart. “You remember back at the castle? You said Ameriden was your dream?”

Casimine nodded.

“You said I was your dream,” Tala reminded him. “You said that, right?”

“I did,” Casimine said, with no remorse.