Page 14 of Wicked Queen

A reporter called a question and I barely caught what he said. “Clara, were you made aware that Princess Sarah was alive?”

I knew my wife. I knew that her loyalty was unshakable. She was still holding my hand, so I didn’t expect her answer. Clara didn’t pull away, even as she abandoned me.

“I understand your surprise,” she said, “because I didn’t know, myself. Alexander never told me his secret.”

Chapter 7

Clara

I didn’t stay for more questions. Instead, I fled to the Royal closet, the small room hidden near the White Room, which probably had a long and proud tradition of providing sanctuary to runaway queens. I made a mental note to avoid looking at any news source for the next twenty years. It would probably be that long before they stopped printing photos of me rushing out of the room.

I’d felt Alexander’s pain the moment I’d spoken and I hadn’t been able to stop myself from turning to see his stricken face. It was the second time in a week I’d wounded him with my words.

I couldn’t seem to hold back whatever I was thinking. There were shades of truth in everything I said. We both knew it. But he didn’t know why.

I couldn’t keep lying. It was tearing me apart and I had no strength to fight it. Not while so much more was at stake.

The door to the room slammed shut and I jumped but didn’t turn to face him.

“How could you?” he asked.

I’d expected the accusation, but it didn’t make it any easier to face.

“Running off? Telling them…” he trailed away.

I spun to face him, blinking hot, angry tears from my eyes. “Telling them what? The truth? Sorry, X, I wasn’t born and bred to lie.”

“Unlike me.” His face was a stony mask that even I couldn’t see behind. It had been so long since he’d worn it in front of me that I forgot how breathtaking it was, like a great marble statue of an avenging angel brought to life. This was the man who had brought me to my knees. Now, he still had the same effect on me. But this wasn’t the man I’d fallen in love with—the man I had married. That man had removed his mask. He’d put it back on and it was my fault.

“I don’t expect you to understand,” I said. He couldn’t. Not when he was like this.

“Because you don’t love me anymore,” he spat.

“Of course I do!” The baby begin to kick and I was reminded that I needed to calm down. I rubbed my stomach comfortingly.

“But you hate me.” His mask slipped for a second and I saw the confused pain he was hiding.

“Sometimes,” I admitted in a quiet voice. “You’re apart from everyone, even me. You have no idea how lonely it is to keep your husband’s secrets knowing there will always be more. Because no matter how many of your secrets I keep, you’ll never trust me with all of you. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t lie for you. I can’t pretend we’re a united front and risk losing Edward and everyone else. I can’t tell a lie and let everyone believe I betrayed them, because they’re all I have. I can’t do this alone anymore. You forced my hand. You made me choose and I choose this family. I can’t keep our family together if I’m trying to pretend everything is okay between us. We’re not okay, X.”

“You think you’re alone?”

It was only a part of what I was trying to say, but at least he was listening. Finally. “I am. I can’t be enough for everything that’s missing anymore. I…I’m sorry. I can’t.”

His gaze drifted down to the hand rubbing my belly as he shook his head. His started to say something and then his mouth fell open.

“You aren’t wearing your wedding ring,” he said quietly.

I knew that. I felt its absence like I was walking around naked. “My fingers are swollen.”

“Bullshit.” His eyes were glued to the bare finger.

“Fine, I can’t bear its weight lately. It used to stand for something and now…” I wanted to swallow the words back as I watched the beautiful, strong man before me crumble.

“You’re carrying our child. You’re my wife,” he whispered, no longer speaking to me. Then his voice ratcheted up. “I told you. I warned you! You can’t do this? You decide that now? I told you I couldn’t do it. I told you I could never love you. I told you I didn’t want children. I didn’t want to get married.”

His words were a slap in the face and I stumbled backwards a step.

He finally looked up at me, his blue eyes hollow. “Why did you give me everything I didn’t want if you were only going to take it all away?”