Page 20 of Consume Me

“Baby?” she repeated with a bark of laughter that marred the scene. “X, there’s only you and me, remember? Us. Forever.”

There was a ghost in her eyes as she spoke even though she laughed. She didn’t mean it. Some part of it was a lie.

I moved my hand down her flat, unmarred stomach. We’d agreed. Just us. That was right.

Wasn’t it?

“What do you want?” I turned my attention back to her. She was my world. I’d given up everything for her and received more than I could ever want. I’d never wanted that life anyway. I wanted her life.

“Take control. Do what you’ve always wanted to do,” she breathed.

I slipped between her legs, my hands settling at her throat.

“Yes,” she said with a smile as my fingers coiled around her slender neck.

My hands tightened as I thrust inside her. The smile remained as she gasped against my hold. I squeezed harder until no sound came but her body began to tremble under mine. It was what she needed—to give me total control. It was what only I could give her: protection and freedom. The knowledge rocketed through me and I filled her, watching her eyes glaze over with ecstasy until I collapsed against her. Bringing my lips to hers, I kissed her.

“Clara?” I murmured. “I love you.”

She was silent. I pulled back to discover her face still washed with bliss.

Peaceful.

Free.

I’d released her. For a moment, pure joy filled me and then, when she didn’t blink…

“Clara!” I bolted up in my seat, my hands reaching out and finding only air.

I’d killed her. All I’d ever wanted was to love her, and I had killed her.

“Alexander,” Georgia called, and I turned still caught between the dream and the real world.

“I killed her,” I whispered.

“There’s no reason to think—”

“In the dream,” I told him. “Maybe in life, too.” My voice broke on the truth of it. When we met I’d warned Clara that nothing good survived around me. I’d let myself believe that might not be true. But that was a lie. It had always been a lie. Why else had I hidden so many of my family’s ugly secrets? Because I’d needed to believe those lies myself.

We were tainted—infected—and I was the heart of the disease. I didn’t know how to be honest. I didn’t know how to be King. I didn’t know how to save her. I let this happen.

“We’re going to find her.” Georgia came to the edge of my desk and perched against it. “Clara is a fighter. She’s going to be fine.”

I didn’t know which one of us needed to believe that more.

“Everything is slipping away. The tighter I try to hold onto something…” My thoughts turned to my dream: to my greatest fear. I’d held so tightly to Clara that I’d finally lost her—and I had no one to blame but myself.

If I’d been honest with her from the beginning, would any of this had happened? Would my wife be sleeping in our bed?

I buried my head in my hands, trying to remind myself that I couldn’t do anything about the past. I could only move forward. Wherever she was, she needed me and I wouldn’t fail her. Not again.

“I don’t know how to do this,” I admitted to Georgia. “I’m going crazy and I need to keep my head straight. If I don’t…if I don’t…”

I couldn’t bring myself to consider what would happen if I couldn’t do that.

“Do you need to take back control?” she asked quietly.

A minute ticked by as this sank in, and we stared at one another. It was a dangerous game to play—and a more dangerous offer to make.