Page 2 of Break Me: Smith and Belle

Penny laid on the changing table wrapped in a blanket while I counted her fingers and toes. I kissed and rubbed each of her chilled limbs, drawing away the bluish tinge until she was a warm, rosy pink again. Movement caught my eye and I looked up to see Nora edging nervously into the room with a freshly warmed bottle. My heart sank when I realized it was her. Belle refused to go inside the nursery. Part of me was grateful. The truth was that no matter how much I focused on the crisis at hand, I couldn’t get the image of her on the ice, holding our daughter, out of my mind. I suspected that some day when my eyes closed the final time, it would be the last thing I saw. A memory like that carved itself into your bones and became part of you. The other part of me wondered how this would change my wife, and how long Belle would punish herself for her strange behavior.

“She’s hungry,” I said, lifting her into my arms and carrying her to the glider. A freshly lit fire crackled in the nursery hearth, and I cradled Penny close as Nora brought me the bottle. She lingered in the nursery, showing me exactly how to give Penny a bottle, but not saying much else.

“She’s fine,” Nora said softly after a few minutes of awkward silence.

“I know,” I snapped. “Belle would never hurt her.”

Nora took a startled step away, her hand fluttering to her chest as she shook her head. Her own dark eyes welling with tears. “I didn’t mean to imply —”

“I’m sorry,” I said, coming to my senses when I saw her horror-stricken face. Was I the monster behind all this fear? “I’m just on edge.”

“I understand.” But she maintained her distance and started busying herself with various chores in the nursery.

It was her job to look after the baby. She was back now, which meant there would be a second set of eyes on Penny. That should make me feel more reassured, but I wasn’t positive that it would be enough. I found myself wanting to build a fortress around my daughter and my wife. The question was should I put them in separate towers or keep them together?

In my darkest thoughts, I considered whether Penny might not be safe with Belle. I hated to even admit that to myself. But Belle had taken her on the ice. And the look she gave me when she turned to me—it was like peering into the eyes of a stranger. It wasn’t my wife holding our child. I didn’t understand what was happening to Belle, but I would do everything in my power to find out. Until then, I had to decide whether I could trust her with the baby.

Belle would never forgive herself if something happened to Penny. I knew that. I also knew she worried that she didn’t love her baby enough. I wished she could see what I did. I saw her love every time they were together. I knew it was love that drove Belle to hand the baby to someone else as she became more scared of herself. Sometimes love meant letting go. But I didn’t want to let go of Belle, and I didn’t want her to let go of me or Penny. I had to find her. I had to help her. And the first step to doing that was to stop avoiding each other. We had to get through this together.

I rose slowly. Penny squawked at being disturbed, closing one hand over the bottle and the other around my finger. I stared down at her to find her blue eyes watching me and knew I had to put her above everyone, even Belle. It was what Belle would want me to do. I had to keep Penny safe until Belle was herself again, and she would be—soon. I couldn’t consider anything else.

“Would you like me to take her?” Nora asked carefully, obviously still shaken by my outburst. She hovered near a stack of freshly folded receiving blankets.

I nodded. “Please. I should check on my wife.”

“I saw her,” Nora murmured as I moved closer. “She’s not herself. She’s no more to blame than you are.”

“I know.” I passed Penny to her, earning me a mewl of disapproval until Nora snuggled her to her chest.

Thankfully, Nora’s attention shifted instantly to her charge. I couldn’t handle a lecture from my nanny about how to be a husband and father. I was perfectly proficient at fucking that up without her insight.

“Pretty baby,” she cooed. “You need a nap.” She carried her back to the chair by the fire, lowered herself, and began to rock.

I lingered in the doorway and watched her. She made it look easy. It was what I had imagined it to be like for Belle. I’d expected to come home from the office to find her peacefully rocking her daughter just like this. Instead, she wouldn’t go near her.

Stepping into the hallway, I gathered myself for a moment, running a hand along the back of my neck while trying to figure out what to do next. Before I could, Mrs. Winters bustled by with a tea tray.

She paused to deliver a stern look. “You should see your wife now.”

“I’m on my way,” I said wearily. She needed to be reminded of who was in charge here, but I didn’t have it in me to insult the entire staff today. Not now that I needed them more than ever.

Edward met us at the door, flashing me a concerned look as he lowered his voice, “She won’t say anything,” he told me. “I’ll be right down the hall if you need me to help with anything.”

He clapped a hand on my shoulder as he passed. He’d been nearly as shaken as I was when we got Belle off the ice. Everything had happened so quickly that I was still processing the events that led us there. The morning had started in panic when Belle couldn’t seem to nurse Penny. I’d gone off to the shops to pick up formula, and I’d found out there had been a mistake with the tea she’d been drinking. Instead of helping her build her milk supply to get the baby’s weight up, it had been slowly drying it out. I thought that was going to be the worst news of the day—until I reached home and found the front door wide open, Belle gone along with our daughter. I’d left Edward with her and the baby, and it was clear from his downcast eyes that he felt responsible for her winding up out there.

It wasn’t his fault, though. I should have never left. I should’ve sent him into town, or Mrs. Winters, or waited for Nora to show up. I should have known better than to let Belle out of my sight. No one could be trusted to care as much about her safety as I did. Even her best friend.

Belle ignored Mrs. Winters as she set the tea tray on the nightstand by her side of the bed. A large cashmere blanket was wrapped around my wife’s petite shoulders. She clutched it to her chest, staring at the wall without blinking.

“Let’s see to getting you warmed up,” Mrs. Winters said in a cheerful, but strained voice. “You’ll feel fine again in no time.”

Belle’s eyes flashed up to her, a sneer curling her lip, morphing her face into something so cruel that I stepped forward in shock. “Fine? Don’t you mean mental?”

Mrs. Winters startled for a moment, but collected herself quickly. “We all have strange fits every now and then.”

“Would you excuse us a moment, Mrs. Winters?” I asked her.

She tossed a withering look at me as she made her way into the bathroom, calling over her shoulder, “I’m going to run you a hot bath.”