Page 24 of Secret Dynasty

I made my way to the second floor, more interested in finding a private place to gather my thoughts than eating more. Caroline’s words had buried themselves in my stomach, leaving a pit behind. It seemed to grow with each second. I belonged to Spencer, even Iris had barely challenged Caroline on the matter. Each moment that passed took me closer to the day when I was nothing but what he demanded of me.

The Spencer who had opened up to me was gone. There was no vulnerability. He’d stepped readily into his grandfather’s shoes.

Of course, he did, I reminded myself. He’s spent his whole life preparing to do just that.

But it wasn’t his meteoric rise to family patriarch that left me stunned. It was the cruelness that accompanied it. I’d glimpsed his darker side before. Those instances were almost always followed by apologies. At the time, I’d written off the lapses in character. But what if the kind, funny, charming Spencer was the part he played. What if I’d given myself to a monster?

It didn’t matter. When I had the DNA results in a few days, I could use them as leverage. If Tod wouldn’t put a stop to the wedding, I could tell Spencer the truth. He wouldn’t want the knock-off version of Kerrigan Belmond, not when he’d been offered the real thing. The only thing preventing me from doing it now was Holden.

Not my feelings for him, which were getting more and more confusing. But his insistence that Tod was telling the truth. Without proof, Tod could have me locked up for revenge, sent off to the hospital where he’d sent Kerrigan two years ago. Holden might back his claims. I wanted out of this arrangement, but not at the cost of my freedom. I couldn’t risk the possibility of being placed in an institution.

I was so lost in my thoughts I didn’t pay any attention to where I was heading.

“Lost?”

I whipped around, coming face-to-face with Holden. He’d abandoned his suit jacket and unknotted his tie. It hung loosely from his unbuttoned collar.

“I was just taking a moment.” I cringed at how shaky my voice sounded.

“In my room?” he asked.

I looked around and realized with horror that I’d wandered right into a bedroom. “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I didn’t mean to invade your privacy.”

“I don’t mind, dirty girl, and besides that, I left the door open.” He nodded for me to follow him inside. I hesitated for a minute at the door, and he looked back at me. “I’ll behave if you will.”

I glared at him. “I’m not the one with boundary issues.”

“I seem to recall you asking me to take you to bed in Yorkshire.”

It took effort to pretend my face wasn’t on fire, but I knew my blush was obvious. “We all have momentary lapses in judgement.”

“Okay,” he said with a smirk, “we’ll both keep a grip on our judgement then.”

I nodded and took a tentative step inside. There were books everywhere, stacked and shelved. Some lay open on a desk too cluttered to be anything more than a repository of odds and ends. A fire crackled in a stone hearth that was taller than me. A few velvet chairs were clustered around it, each surrounded by their own stacks of books and loose papers. Heavy drapes were haphazardly drawn to one side, revealing lead glass windows and allowing twilight to spill into the space. Pillows and blankets lay in a disheveled heap on a four poster bed.

“It’s a mess,” he said unapologetically.

“I like it,” I said without thinking. Nothing was hidden here. It was laid bare for anyone to see. Everywhere I looked I caught glimpses of Holden. It wasn’t the perfect living quarters I’d been given at Willoughby Place or Hensley. He actually lived here. Breathed. Thought.

“Who are you hiding from?” he asked, dropping onto the edge of his bed and propping himself on his elbow.

I turned away from the sight of him on the bed, my heart hammering in my chest. “No one. Everyone. But especially your mother.”

“Where’s your knight in shining armor?” he asked. “Isn’t he supposed to protect you from fire-breathing dragons like her?”

“I lost track of him.” I picked up a book from his desk and studied it for a moment. I didn’t want to talk about Spencer. “Have you read all of these?”

“Some of them. Bits of others. My attention wanders.” His free hand reached up and pulled off his tie.

“Not going back downstairs?”

“No one has missed me yet.”

“That’s not true.” I glanced up and our eyes locked.

Holden shifted, rising to his feet. He prowled closer and my breath caught. But he reached around me and picked up a decanter of bourbon. “Drink?”

I shook my head. That seemed like a very bad idea.