Page 47 of Secret Dynasty

“Like what?”

“It’s impossible to say. The regression therapy was supposed to give us answers, but it seemed to aggravate your situation more.”

“And if we try it now?”

“I believe it would make things worse not better,” he said apologetically. “Is there a reason you’ve changed your mind?”

I told him about Spencer and the wedding, filling him in on the details of the prenuptial agreement. He listened without comment. “Since I signed the contract, I’ve felt the pull of an anxiety attack.”

“How often?”

“Every waking hour.” I dropped my head in my hands. Sleep was my only respite, but even that didn’t feel safe. Spencer hadn’t visited my room since we’d signed the contract a few days ago. He’d been busy preparing to whisk me away on a romantic honeymoon. “I’ve been to see the seamstress and oversee little details, and I don’t care about any of it. I just want it to be over with.”

“You sound as if you are having second thoughts about marrying Spencer?”

I snorted. “You could say that.”

“You didn’t anticipate the expectations for your marriage, like children?”

I shook my head. Until recently, children had felt a long way off. Now I was expected to be a mother within two years’ time. How could I do that when I didn’t know who I was. I told Dr. Simmons this, and he stayed silent for a moment.

“Perhaps you should call off the wedding,” he said gently. “It seems that you are not as committed to this union as you should be. Honestly, I was hesitant to force the issue, but I feel your best interests need to be considered.”

“There’s something else,” I admitted. Up until now, I hadn’t been sure I could trust his motivations, but for the first time, I realized he cared more about me than his hourly rate. “Everything I say here is confidential, right?”

“You have the expectation of privacy unless you are planning to harm yourself or someone else,” he tacked on thoughtfully.

“Nothing like that.” My mouth felt dry, like it was stuffed with cotton. Could I really tell him everything? Everything everything?

He seemed to sense my hesitation. “Being honest might be exactly what you need to find your way out from this situation. I promise I won’t judge.”

I wasn’t so sure about that. To his credit, the doctor barely batted an eye as I filled him in on every sordid detail. That I’d agreed to Tod’s scheme, that I’d lost my virginity to Spencer, that I’d gone to bed with him and Holden. It tumbled out of me like leaves caught in a windstorm.

When I finally finished, he tilted his head thoughtfully. “You’re leaving something out.”

I shook my head. I’d told him everything. I’d confessed it all—down to every last filthy detail.

“How did you feel about Spencer when this relationship began?” he asked.

“Curious.” I couldn’t think of a better word. I’d tumbled down the rabbit hole and fallen into his upside-down world before I questioned how I could find my way out.

“And Holden?”

“Curious,” I repeated.

He tipped his head, biting back a bemused smile. “I apologize. I’m not judging you. I imagine if I was in your shoes with two beautiful women vying for my attention, I would be torn.”

“That’s how it started.” And now everything was more complicated than I could have imagined.

“Perhaps, but let me ask you, what about now? How do you feel about him?”

“I love him.” It slipped effortlessly from my mouth. Dr. Simmons raised an eyebrow, and I rushed to clarify. “Holden. I love him. I don’t understand it, exactly. I feel like it’s always been there. Maybe somewhere deep down, I remember him. But it’s impossible…”

“Anything is possible if you remove the I’m standing in the way.” He leveled a severe gaze at me. “Do you want to know what I think?”

That was why I was here. I nodded, waiting for him to find the missing key. The one that would unlock everything.

“You must give in to these panic attacks,” he said.