Page 60 of Secret Dynasty

“So she was drunk,” Eliza said, “and that’s why the accident happened.”

I shook my head, a lump forming in my throat. I wasn’t sure if I could really admit the truth.

“Kerrigan?”

“It wasn’t an accident,” I said so quietly that I wasn’t sure she heard me. “She pulled us into the water.”

“Pulled?” she repeated with shock.

I nodded, unable to process it all myself.

“Why would she do that?” Eliza sat back on her heels in a daze. “Why would she try to drown you?”

“I think she was trying to save me.”

“Save you from what?” Eliza tilted her head, and I knew I wasn’t making sense to her. I barely understood it myself.

“From this,” I said, finally realizing why I had run. “This life destroyed her. The love she told me about that night wasn’t my father, but a man her parents didn’t approve of her marrying. They forced her to end it and demanded she marry Tod. She was terrified of their disapproval.”

Had she known the same fate would befall me someday? Or was she just too sad and worn down to fight the darkness any longer?

I tried to imagine how anyone could feel that desperate like they had no other choice, and I realized with startling clarity, that I didn’t have to imagine at all. I was living it now.

“You can’t marry Spencer,” Eliza said. She stood and walked toward the door.

Her movement broke me free of the spell the memories had cast over me. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to find Iris, and she is going to listen to you, and then you’re going to call the wedding off,” Eliza said firmly.

I stared at her, wondering which one of us was making less sense.

“I can’t do that,” I said when she fixed me her eyes on me, determination etched on her face. “It doesn’t matter what the truth is. Spencer doesn’t care. If I call off the wedding, he will ruin everyone’s lives.”

Eliza opened her mouth to argue with me, but Iris stepped into the room and spoke for her. “Is it any better to ruin yours?” She shook her head sadly. “Kerrigan, I don’t know why you believe you have to marry Spencer, but let me be clear, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.”

They were easy words to say, but I knew the cost of following through. They had to listen to me.

“You don’t understand. It’s the only way to protect you. The only way to protect…” I choked on Holden’s name. I buried my face in my hands, confusion churning through me.

“What about you?” Eliza asked. “What if it ruins you like it did your mother? What will you do when your child faces the same arrangement?”

Her words struck me like a bullet, knocking the wind out of me. For a moment, I couldn’t speak and when I finally found my voice, it was brittle. “I’m not strong enough.”

Iris bent and looked me in the eye. “Queens hold all the power.”

Her words settled over the wound Eliza’s had left. They wrapped themselves around me like a bandage, stemming the pain, and suddenly I could breathe.

“I don’t want to marry Spencer.”

“I’ll take care of everything,” Iris began.

“Don’t,” I stopped her. Now that I’d found my voice, I was determined to use it. She was right. Queens held all the power, and it was time to use mine. “I need to do it myself. This is my chapter to end.”

Chapter Thirty-Three

The house was full of people. Everywhere I looked there were ornate flower arrangements and unlit candles. The door of the ballroom opened as I passed and I paused just long enough to see the rows of gold-lacquered chairs lined up on two sides of a spectacular walkway. An arch had been erected and draped with Japanese wisteria. The delicate, white blooms had been flown in this morning. Silk brocade lined the path to the ceremonial altar. I swallowed as I took it all in and tried not to feel guilty for what I was about to do.

I found Spencer in the solarium, hiding amongst his plants. Despite his brother’s absence, it was clear Spencer had enjoyed a stag night the previous evening. Whiskey lingered on his breath, and his eyes were red. As I approached, his eyebrow quirked up.