Page 79 of Handle Me

I stepped closer to her, trying to read the expression on her face. Was she angry? Hurt? If she was upset, I was probably only making things worse.

I couldn’t stop myself from touching her. I skimmed my thumb along her bottom lip. I wanted to kiss her, but I resisted. I wasn’t about to get caught doing that by my asshole brother, so I pulled away.

“I don’t belong here,” I said softly.

She shook her head. “That’s all in your head. No one gets along with Alexander, but if you give the others a—”

“I will never belong here,” I cut her off before she latched on to her own wishful thinking. “I can’t do this, boss.”

“You don’t belong?” she repeated, blinking back tears. “Are you saying you’re leaving?”

I didn’t know how to answer her. I didn’t want to shut her out. I didn’t want to say goodbye.

“I don’t know what I’m saying. But this title shit is crazy. I didn’t sign up for this life.” I shook my head, wishing I could clear out the confusion and rage muddying up my brain. “I’m not sure what to do.”

“Let me know when you figure it out,” Lola said defiantly. There was no doubt now that she was angry...with me.

Somehow it was worse to see her pissed off than crying, mostly because I’d learned a few things about Lola Bishop. How she bit her lip when she came. The exact way she took her morning tea. And that when she got that look of determined anger on her face, she’d already made up her mind.

“Lola, I...”

“Make sure to inform me when you reach your decision. Because I’m not waiting around for you forever.” She stood there, staring me down. Her eyes hadn’t lost their shine, but they were as hard as glittering sapphires. She turned away. “Just go. I can get another ride to my place.”

“Maybe we should talk about this,” I started, but she held a hand up.

“You don’t want this life. You made that clear from the start.” Did I hear a tremble in her voice? “I’ll do what I can to get Alexander and Clara to back off.”

“You don’t need to do that.”

“Consider it my parting gift.” She squared her shoulders, looking like a defiant queen.

I wasn’t sure what to say. This wasn’t what I wanted. Any of it. The title. The life. Walking away from her. But I needed to get out of there because I was losing the battle against my desire to hold her, to pull her into my arms and never let her go.

But I couldn’t do that to her. We barely knew each other. Maybe this would be better for both of us. Maybe she’d finally see the light.

I refused to change, and the man I was didn’t deserve her.

“I’m going by Kensington if you need anything,” I muttered.

“I’m sure someone can pick up my things later.”

Our eyes locked and it was like she was looking into my soul. Could she see how torn I was? How part of me wanted her to ask me to stay? The same part of me that knew she never would. I saw the truth of that in her eyes. Clear. Bright. Determined. She’d meant everything she said, and there was no sign of doubts.

Footsteps echoed on the marble floor, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Brex approaching. “You ready?”

“Just a sec,” I told him. “We’re saying goodbye.”

His eyebrows lifted. We’d managed to surprise the bodyguard. “I think you already did.”

Turning back, I spotted Lola slipping back inside the royal apartments. Just like that, she was gone.

“Fuck.” My head fell, wondering if there was any point to going after her. I knew how that would end. “Let’s get out of here.”

I hadn’t brought enough belongings with me to need more than a few items from the apartment in Kensington. Lola, on the other hand, had shit everywhere. I tried to look past it as I shoved things into a duffel bag. But reminders of her plagued me. Her lipstick on the bathroom counter. A pair of lacy knickers on the floor. The cold remnants of morning tea in the kitchen. A few hours ago, we’d been rolling around in the still-unmade bed.

Now, it was over.

I zipped up my bag and carried it to the door.