Page 146 of The Difference Between

I sigh. “Well…” When Addie asked me to live with them, I could see it. And the barndo. Even though I have a million-dollar home, I could see myself living in a shed. Not with Gavin—because I don’t love him—but with Addie. My phone dings with a text. “Sorry,” I murmur, pulling my purse from the back of my chair.

Rhett smiles warmly. “Duty calls, I get it.”

I dig through my bag, finding Gavin’s folded paper before the phone and pull both out. I skim the text from my mom then unfold the paper in my lap.

I read it. Twice. Three times. Seven thousand times, I don’t know. Enough times my heart stops before pounding full speed ahead.

“Everything okay?” Rhett asks.

I refold the paper.

“No.” I stand and sling my purse over my shoulder. “My mom’s having a dizzy spell from tap dancing—tapsersizing. She just had brain surgery and it’s part of it. I have to go.”

His face fills with concern as he stands. “Can I help?”

“She’ll be fine.” I scoot my chair in. “Her biggest issue is following directions. Surgery can’t fix stubborn, you know?” I give him a look he chuckles at. “I’m sorry about this.”

His eyes bounce all over me, no doubt trying to figure out if I’m lying or running. “Rain check?”

Rhett’s a good man. He’s attractive, nice. Educated and accomplished. He’d volunteer if he didn’t need the money. He kind of reminds me of Matt, now that I think about it. If I didn’t want to run out of here like my ass was on fire, I might ask him how he feels about lollipops. He’s a doctor—he probably has jars of them all over his office.

“Um.” I look at the table, then him. His pressed navy blue button-down and styled hair. I don’t want lollipop sperm. “I might be in love with someone else.”

His eyes widen—he expected me to say that about as much as I expected to say it.

“I have to go.” My hesitation is purely for show. “Sorry.”

I don’t care what Gavin’s doing, but that doesn’t stop me from running every red light between this restaurant and him.

Forty-Two

Ipark in Mom’s driveway as the first raindrop splats against the windshield then turns to a deluge.

I check all the pockets in the car; there’s no umbrella.

Mom’s porch light is a blurry orb through the rain-streaked windows. She’s fine. Her text was telling me that she hoped I was having a terrible time, and Rue was picking her up to spend the evening with her, Nash, and Bennie.

It’s the paper clutched in my hand that cut the date short.

I unfold it, studying it like it wasn’t seared into my memory the second I saw it. At the top, written in pencil is Sperm Donor Application Form and below are a series of questions and answers, including a box titled picture of applicant. In it is a stick figure mowing the grass labeled Gavin Nickels.

Likes: Reese Conway, Addie Nickels, Glassblowing, Reese Conway in heels, Darts, Mahjong, Watching Reese Conway play mahjong, Did I mention Reese Conway?

Dislikes: Photos of men dressed like babies, Reese Conway punching me in the nose

Education: Reese Conway taught me to read, mostly C’s after that, Two days at college

Skills: Thinking about Reese Conway, I mow a mean yard, Accidentally making pleasurable objects out of glass, Stellar jokes

Future plans: Convincing Reese Conway to stay with me and Addie, Giving Reese Conway all the babies she wants

Anything else: I lava you, Miss Reese.

I read it and read it. With a smile and wet eyes. The differences between Gavin and I fill every line, yet I’ve never felt more seen or wanted. Gavin wasn’t saying he was okay with me having a baby with a sperm donor, he was saying he was okay with me having a baby with him. For someone so smart, maybe I really am stupid.

It doesn’t change the fact I want what I want, and I don’t know what I’m doing with my job, but it does change how I see them. Maybe there is no rush. Maybe I go back to Chicago and tell Trish I’ve decided to wait a little longer for a baby, but I met this great man. Or maybe I never go back to Chicago.

Or maybe I simply let Gavin knock me up, sign paperwork that says if we go to shit the baby is mine, and see what happens.