Page 63 of Hard to Love

“I’m his fiancée, Thayer Hamilton. This is his family.” I stumble through my introduction as I take his outstretched hand.

“Ms. Hamilton, Mr. Turner has sustained twelve stab wounds to the chest and abdomen. He’ll be in the Critical Care Unit for the next few days while we monitor him. I’m not sure how but every wound missed vital organs. One person can stay with him.” Before he leaves, he pats me on the back. “It’s my understanding that you applied pressure to as many wounds as possible. Good job. Without a doubt, you saved his life.”

“He is my life,” I respond quickly.

He explains that we can go see Hardy once he’s settled. I pace the floor until they come to get me. One goes with me this time. After he leaves, the family will come back, two at a time. No way can I keep this brood away from him. The kids, let alone my parents, would riot.

My brother holds my hand tightly as we amble the halls of the CCU wing at the hospital. I’m nauseous, feeling slightly faint. As my head bobs, my brother grabs my hand, his arm wraps around my waist, righting me. My legs feel like a baby giraffe.

One pushes the door open to a series of sounds. Beeps, whooshes, and buzzes fill the room. Lines and tubes are everywhere. In the middle of all the chaos lay my heart. Hardy is wrapped in the middle like a mummy, one big bandage. There is a tube in his mouth. I already miss his lips.

My brother pulls me closer. For the second time in my life, I’m scared. I’ve lost this man once. I’m optimistic I won’t survive if it happens again. He looks so fragile. This strong, muscle-bound man looks broken. For the first time, his outside matches his inside.

Dropping into the seat beside him, I take his hand, gripping it, praying he returns it. Nothing. Falling to my knees, I lay my cheek against his hand. It’s so cold, nothing like Hardy. It’s as if he’s not even here. Tears collect on the back of his hand and begin to run down his fingers as I lose all control of my emotions.

One places his hands on my shoulders to help pick me up from the floor. Sitting once again, I scoot closer to his bed. I’d instead climb in with him. Why did this happen? Why now? Eric never said a word; he just kept going after Hardy. It wasn’t until Hardy knocked him off the second time that I realized there was so much blood.

“Thayer, talk to him. I could hear every word when I was out like this. Hadlea was so surprised when I told her things she had said or done when I was critical after the shooting.” He rubs my back in a soothing up and down. Encouraging me, even as his voice breaks.

“Hey, babe. I’m here, always. I need you to fight as hard now as you did at home. I know you were doing your best to protect me. Please, fight. Fight to open those gorgeous eyes of yours. I need to hear your voice. I need to know we’re going to be okay.” I kiss his hand and each of his fingers.

I have no clue what comes over me. I stand and begin to look his entire body over. I look at every bandage or scratch on him. Seeing the blood under his nails makes me nauseous again, for no reason other than the fact that he’d lost so much by the time the paramedics got there.

By the time I reach his head, I begin to kiss his face. Anywhere my lips can find prime real estate, I kiss it. The corner of his eyes, his forehead, his high cheekbones that I would kill to have. His nose and the very edge of his mouth are not covered in tape or apparatus.

Nuzzling his ear, I whisper how much I love him. That we all love him. The fact I can’t make it without him, and the sooner he can wake up, the better we’ll be. I beg him to open his eyes or to squeeze my hand. It’s ridiculous, but everything I can think to say, I do.

Settling in the seat beside him again, One talks with his best friend. Letting him know how much he loves him. How proud he is of him for protecting me and that I’m a certifiable badass now, like Lea. I know Hardy agrees with him about it.

The rest of the family filters through, each showering this man with love and affection. Tears and kisses flow; he would be so surprised he’s getting this much attention. No doubt he’d be embarrassed. If he can hear all of this, he’ll never doubt how much he’s loved ever again. This is his family.

The last person through the door isn’t a surprise, but his reaction is. Chord. He is utterly shaken for Hardy. Their friendship has grown over the last few months, but I had no idea he had actually stayed with Chord quite often. Their bond is evident as Chord stands beside Hardy’s bed, and his tears fall. He even kisses him on the head before saying, “I love you, brother.” Making my heart ache.

Refusing to leave Hardy’s side, our family rallies around us as they start bringing anything that I need in shifts. Lea begs me to leave him long enough to shower. Although she and the girls cleaned me up as best as they could last night, I really do need to wash off the blood properly.

“I promise you, if he so much as flinches, I’ll scream for you. Go shower,” she says, winking at me.

“Did you leave One?” I glare at her when I ask.

“No. But, well, no. I’ll watch the door, change your clothes. Maybe the sight of your naked ass will wake him up.” A tiny giggle escapes my lips.

“Maybe I should give it a good shake?” I bite my lip to keep from laughing.

“That’ll get him up.” She stands by the door, blocking it.

“One said he heard every word any of us said when he was critical,” I say to her, but I’m really questioning it.

“That’s what he says. I faded in and out. Why?” she asks in a soft voice.

“I have a few things I want to say to him. I know they said he’s doing relatively well. It’s just a waiting game for him to wake up, but I still have things to say.” I drag my jogging pants up my legs. It’s nice to have my own clothes on again. I appreciated the kids running to buy me some last night, but my clothes smell like Hardy.

“Well then, you should say them. Malone and I share everything now. It may have just about killed, him but he showed me how important it is to share everything.” She giggles at her words.

Lea kisses us both and leaves before long with the promise that someone will be bringing dinner soon. My family takes care of each other so well. Another reason to thank them when this is over.

By midnight, I sit here holding his hand, unable to sleep. I really had hardened my heart toward him. Why I even considered marrying Walker is beyond me. I knew there would never be another soul to match Hardy’s. His heart is my heart. He is my home.

“Babe, I know you’re sleeping. It’s been almost twenty-four hours since I last heard your voice. I saved your voicemails on my phone, don’t make me resort to listening to those. It’s what I did while you were gone.” I take a breath, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before continuing. “I can’t explain why I agreed to marry Walker. I’m sorry. I knew you would find your way home eventually.