Page 57 of Saints & Sailors

I’d only been friends with guys back in LA, and despite our differences, I didn’t mind switching things up here in Meadow Grove. Neither Cameron nor Vanity seemed like the sanctimonious girls back home who judged me because I wasn’t like them. We could be different and still get on.

I hung back with Cameron, finding her nervous before me. “What’s up?”

“It’s just that… You know what, we’re going to be tardy.” Cameron forced out a light laugh as she attempted to wave the whole thing off. Something was up.

“No, spill, I don’t give a shit about Hemingway anyway.” I rolled my eyes at the thought of suffering through more of his work.

Cameron chewed on her lip as she examined a ring on her ring finger. It held a gold band with a tiny solitaire stone. “People look at me and Aidan and think we’ve got this perfect romance.”

“Don’t you?” I wondered.

Cameron frowned sheepishly. “He’s amazing, and I love him to bits.”

“But?”

“How did you know when you were sure about…you know, sex,” she whispered scandalously.

Oh, a virgin.

With Kevin, we weren’t in love or super romantic. “I didn’t really think about it,” I admitted. “I really liked him, and it kinda just happened. You know when you know, I guess.”

Cameron sighed, sweeping a stray hair behind her ear. “Lately, he’s been hinting that he wants to take things there. We’ve been together for a while, and he swears he loves me. I…I’m not ready yet. I love Aidan, and I get that he has needs⁠—”

I felt my face scrunch up. “Fuck his needs, it’s your body.”

Cameron blushed. “I know, it’s just…”

“Just nothing. If you’re not ready, that’s that. Tell him to go piss off.”

She wouldn’t look at me. “I wish I could be like you, Saylor. All confident and what not.”

“It’s not about confidence. It’s about your right. If Aidan can’t wait and understand you’re not ready, then drop him. His needs aren’t more important than you.”

Cameron didn’t like the idea of dumping her boyfriend. “It’s not a huge thing. It just comes up sometimes.”

“I’m holding true to what I said,” I told her with a shrug. “Don’t let him guilt you into giving up your virginity. He can go shove his dick through a shredder if he wants to stick it somewhere so bad.”

Cameron’s cheeks inflamed as she began to laugh. “Saylor!”

“I’m serious.” I suddenly thought of Bonham and how he was totally into her. Somehow, I knew he’d never pressure her for sex either. We’d been drunk and high that night at his place, and he didn’t try anything. He even went as far as to sleep elsewhere when I passed out. Guys like Bonham got a bad rep because of his reckless deeds, but where it counted, he wasn’t bad at all.

Cameron leaned into me for support as we headed for the exit. “Thanks, Saylor. You really know how to put things into perspective.”

This was all very new to me, being this friendly girl who gave advice and nurtured those who were down. The weird thing was, it actually felt good to be nice.

“No problem,” I said.

“My parents, they’re ideal, you know? My dad’s always had this rock star fantasy, and no matter what, my mom’s always been supportive. My dad looks at my mom like she’s the moon and the stars, and my mom is insanely protective of my dad. I don’t think I’ve ever seen them fight,” Cameron said. “Even when I’m wrong, they don’t get too mad. They’re there for me to help me. I guess I want that, and I know Aidan’s capable. I just need a little more time before I’m sure about sex.”

Her parents sounded old school, or storybook. A part of me wondered what my own parents were like when they were together.

It was while talking to Cameron that I realized something that should’ve been obvious. I’d been ungrateful—with all of it. With my mother for practically my whole life, and maybe even with Scott. Maybe I would apologize for staying out all night, but then, I wasn’t so sure. I could act all cool and careless, but it gnawed at me: why hadn’t he ever been there, and why was he here now?

As I walked with Cameron through the empty hallway for class, I attempted to bury these questions that kept plaguing me as I consoled who was probably my first friend in town.

To my dismay, I found that I’d forgotten my lunch at home when my lunch period came around.

I didn’t too much care for the meal of the day: chicken patty with french fries.