Page 29 of Chaos and Crowns

“I’m one of the lucky ones,” Antony said with a shake of his head, “And I shouldn’t be. Of the handful of people who survived the Defeat, I should not rank among them.”

His words rendered Odelle utterly speechless, such a sharp contrast to the positive energy she had come to associate with Antony, a man full of curiosity and vigor.

“Why not?” She eventually asked. She wanted to tell him it wasn’t true. Even if she personally was frustrated and hurt by him, it didn’t mean he should have died with his brothers in arms long ago.

“Because I’m not strong in combat.” Antony rubbed wearily at his jaw. “Actually, that’s an understatement. I’m probably the worst fighter the Eteria has ever seen. And all those who could use a weapon? They charged into battle and paid with their lives, while I hid behind them. It seems wrong that the strong should die so the weak can live on.”

Once again, Odelle was struck by how inadequate words were to heal a wound this deep, so old it had to have woven itself into the fabric of Antony’s identity. Any of Odelle’s lingering frustration with Antony for his dismissal of her ebbed away in the need to make him understand that she was glad he was alive.

Odelle shifted closer to him, causing ripples to disturb the mirror-like surface of the water. She didn’t know how to soothe an age-old hurt, but something in her told her to reach out for him. The thin rays of light that had lit the landscape as the sun tried to breach the horizon had disappeared and the deeper darkness emboldened her, only moonlight to witness them. Her hand landed on Antony’s arm, covering his tattoo.

He raised his head, lips parted in surprise. Odelle had been going to say something, some words of comfort, but they flew from her mind. Antony’s bicep flexed where she touched him, wiry and taught despite his lean build. Slowly, he raised his hand to touch her face, fingertips leaving a warm, damp trail in their wake down her cheek. She drifted closer still, drawn inexorably to Antony. Maybe it was the emotional weight of the moment or delirium from being stranded in the wilderness, but it didn’t feel like the touch of a man who had rebuffed her advances.

Antony’s eyes sparkled green and blue, and for a moment, Odelle thought he was using magic. Then he turned his face up to the sky, and she followed his gaze. The dark velvet sky was decorated with a rainbow of ethereal lights, dancing to the rhythm of the universe. Odelle couldn’t contain her gasp of astonishment as she beheld the Northern Lights. She looked down at Antony to find her delight echoed in his expression, the former grief softened by wonder.

“Just when you feel hopeless, the world gives you a reason to believe again,” Antony murmured. “It reminds me that I’m not crazy for trying to focus on the beauty out there.”

Odelle smiled, enamored by the way the surface of the pool reflected the sky, making it appear that they were bathing in the brilliance. The multicolor beams were mirrored by Antony’s wide eyes, twinkling like Christmas lights.

Odelle’s smile faltered. Antony’s eyes looked like they had on Christmas, right before she leaned closer—right before she kissed that enchanting smile and found herself pushed away. The light in his eyes had been shuttered away as he uttered the words that echoed in her mind now.

Women like you don’t end up with men like me.

Whatever bright new world Antony envisioned, he didn’t picture her there with him. She was inconsequential, a blip on his radar as he walked through the ages, protecting the world from an evil most people didn’t even recognize.

Odelle’s hand dropped away from Antony’s arm, falling back into the water with a hollow plunk. She floated away from him, letting her back rest against the side of the pool across from him. He frowned, but Odelle knew she should keep her distance. Being close to him only made her hope for something that Antony had already taken off the table. And the more time Odelle spent with Antony, the more she found that she still hoped for it, despite how angry she had felt at the rejection. She shouldn’t be drawn to a man who could be so callous, but somehow his gentle manner always drew her in. It irked her.

Odelle stared down at her hands, finding her fingers wrinkled from the time in the water. Antony seemed to misunderstand her sudden retreat.

“I know we’re going to look like dried figs if we stay in here too long. Just…heat.” Antony sunk down so low in the water that the surface brushed the curls at the base of his neck.

As much as Odelle reveled in warmth, she suddenly needed to be clothed again. Any resolve she had about her ability to bathe with Antony without thinking about him that way had melted in the steam rising from the hot spring. She pulled herself along the stone lip towards where her clothes lay on the rocks. Turning her back to the edge, she levered herself out to sit on the edge. Instantly, the cold air sucked the remaining heat out of the water on her skin. Her teeth chattered and she was uncomfortably aware of the painful peaks of her nipples as she reached for her clothes. She tugged them on haphazardly, thankful that she didn’t get stuck in her dress this time. She shook her legs and wiped all the water she could off them with her sleeve, knowing better than to put damp legs in her socks.

Splashing from Antony’s side of the pool caught her attention, and she looked up to find him stepping out of the water. Rivulets cascaded down his body, shimmering in the dancing lights from the night sky. Silvery droplets trickled down his back, caressing the defined muscles leading from his spine down to his—Odelle jerked her gaze away to grab her legs. Thoughts like that were what she had been trying to avoid when she decided to conclude their swim.

Antony dressed as hurriedly as her, trying to trap in any heat their bodies had absorbed from the pool. Odelle scanned the landscape around them, keeping her wandering gaze away from Antony. She frowned as she caught sight of an odd crag in the horizon. They had managed to gain some altitude, and from here she could see a rent in the earth, making it look like the sky was extending past the horizon. Odelle squinted, and as her eyes processed what she was looking at, she realized that there was some sort of lake reflecting the sky, making it appear like the aurora borealis was trapped in the ground.

“Look.” Odelle pointed.

Antony followed her gaze. He frowned for a moment, and then gasped. “Odelle, you’re a genius!”

She stared dumbly. “A genius for spotting a lake?”

“No, for realizing the lake is basically a giant mirror,” Antony gushed.

Odelle was going to point out that she hadn’t actually said that, but Antony barreled on.

“We can use it to portal to the Sanctuary!” He was bouncing on his toes in excitement now, even as he shoved his arms into his sweater.

“Is every mirror a portal to the Sanctuary?” Odelle asked, suddenly picturing herself trying to fit her body through the compact in her purse to pay the Eteria a visit.

“Well—not technically, no.” Antony rubbed his jaw in contemplation. “I know how we can use it as one though.”

“Why not use the hot spring here then?”

Antony shook his head. “It only works with water when it’s perfectly still, and the ripples from the waterfall disturb it too much. That lake is likely frozen. though, so it might work.”

Odelle wanted to argue that Antony sounded dubious, but she bit her tongue. They had encountered no life in a whole day of walking, and she could think of no better alternatives.