Page 17 of Blood of the Sands

He was easy and talkative, and his tendency for conversation made me wary he would pull a secret from me unbidden. Every time he asked me about myself, I deflected, asking him something about his work and setting him off on a cheery tangent for the next hour.

The crowded nature of the city also set me ill at ease. My heart raced at the proximity of strangers every time I stepped onto the street, and sweat collected at the small of my back beyond what I would expect from the dry heat. At first, I only ventured out into the chaos of the city to visit Daiti, who was indeed stabled a few blocks away.

The first time Aderyn took me to see him, the horse master sighed in relief.

“Thank the sands you’re here. Could you calm him? I’ve barely been able to muck his stall without him trying to smash in my skull with those devilish hooves of his.”

I frowned, approaching the stall. Daiti eagerly stuck his head over the gate, snuffling against my clothing and hair, although if to check my identity or find any hidden snacks, I couldn’t be sure.

Aderyn chuckled. “You seem to have a well-trained warhorse. He won’t respond to anybody but you.”

I frowned as the stablemaster approached, causing Daiti to stamp and snort at him in displeasure. If Daiti was really this distrusting of strangers, it was a wonder I had been able to snag him from the enclosure so easily.

For now, I just nodded and continued to visit Daiti every day, bringing him samples of the strange fruit that Neven and Aderyn fed me. I myself ate so much of it that I became sick, but it didn’t stop me from consuming enough that my stomach bulged after every meal. After all, I didn’t know how much longer I would be able to stay here where food was plentiful. The truth of my exile hung like an axe over my head.

With the frequent walks through the city streets and my growing camaraderie with Neven, it became easier to be around people. I no longer started every time a shoulder brushed mine in the street, and I looked forward to dinner with Neven and Aderyn when she returned home.

Each night, as it grew later, the couple would shoot each other teasing looks, Aderyn’s hand drifting to Neven’s knee where he sat cross-legged on his cushion. Her hand drifted higher as he said something that made her laugh. I would look away with an odd pang in my chest.

I would excuse myself to go to bed in the small guest room at the back of the house, stealing myself for my least favorite part of my new routine. Lying on the impossibly soft bed, covered in a blanket with the texture of cloud, a weight landed on my chest.

Through the walls, I could hear giggling from Aderyn and Neven’s bedroom, followed by a sharp, feminine gasp. Staring up at the ceiling, it seemed as though the rocky weight of the mountain above pressed down on me. From the couple next door enjoying each other’s bodies to the crush of people living in every corner of this city, I was surrounded by humans. It was enough to feel claustrophobic, overwhelmed in the current of life around me.

But the worst part was not the number of people after so long in isolation. It was that it didn’t seem enough to stem the loneliness that had taken hold inside my chest— as if watching friends and lovers after so long without made me more acutely aware of what I didn’t have.

I didn’t sleep the first night, and the second night, when my breath came in pants and gasps from the ache beneath my ribs, I sprang from the bed. Grabbing a pillow, I crept from the room and out of the house. With the stacked stone design of the building, it was easy work to climb to the roof, which was flat on top, serving as a step to the next level of the city.

There, I laid on my back, propping my head up on the pilfered pillow and looking up at the velvety sky. Warm wind brushed against my skin like ethereal fingers, the touch of the desert welcome in its familiarity in this alien environment. Even here in the city, so far from my oasis, the stars looked the same, and my breathing came easier as I counted them. Somehow, they eased the growing tightness in my chest and sleep found me.

On the third night, I had a dream of a type I hadn’t had since I lived with Clan Padra, still learning what it meant to be a woman. In my sleep a man came to me and enveloped me in his arms, and instead of the feeling of too-tight skin that still sometimes overcame me at the touch of another, it felt warm and comforting. I breathed easily, but that changed when his lips met my neck and his hands drifted beneath my clothes. I tried to pull back and see his face, but the dream left me unable to move, helpless to his ministrations.

I woke gasping, just short of release, and disoriented. My hand drifted between my legs taking the place of my imaginary companion’s even as I wondered what had triggered such a dream. Perhaps it was living in close quarters with the intimacy Aderyn and Neven shared. Either way, the dream had felt shockingly real, and as I gasped through my hasty pleasure, I wished I could picture the face of the man who had inspired such feelings, even if he was imaginary. Then, I shoved the feelings away, feeling lonelier than I had before, and tried to go back to sleep.

Each morning, I made sure I was back inside by the time Aderyn rose. While she looked at me oddly in the morning after the first night I spent on the roof, she didn’t comment.

After being in Kelvadan for several days, Aderyn brought me to the palace once more. Infinitesimally less overwhelmed by the presence of others, I was better able to appreciate the impressive architecture of the massive structure. Located at the peak of the tiered city, multiple levels of terraces led up to a tower, many with vines of golden larrea flowers dripping from the railings. It gave the palace a lush feel despite its construction from the same grey stone as the rest of the city. At the very top, a spire pointed straight into the sky, reaching nearly the height of the mountain peak behind it.

“The queen has a few more questions for you now that she’s had time to decide how to proceed with the news you gave her,” Aderyn explained as we approached the main entrance and I could no longer see the top of the tower no matter how far back I craned my neck.

“I’m not sure how helpful I’ll be, but I’ll try.” I gripped my elbows, trying to hide my consternation at what kind of questions the queen might ask. I hadn’t been at Clan Katal’s encampment very long, and had seen very little outside of the supply tent I’d been kept in. I wasn’t keen on answering questions about where I had been before my capture either.

Today, Aderyn led me to a room instead of a terrace, and I shied away from being enclosed instead of in the open air. It reminded me of sleepless nights in Aderyn and Neven’s guest room. I swallowed it down.

The queen was already in the room when we arrived, sitting at a long table strewn with papers, a man at her right. He wore a close-cropped beard, and the sharpness of his gaze combined with the high arch of his nose gave him the appearance of a hawk. As we approached, she looked up and beckoned us in. “Aderyn, Keera, please sit. This is Oren.”

The man nodded, eyes darting over me appraisingly. I squared my shoulders.

“Keera, I need you to tell Oren everything you know about Clan Katal,” Queen Ginevra explained. “He is going to their encampment to gather information.”

I blinked. “A spy?”

“Hearing from you about Lord Alasdar’s plans to attack made me realize how blind I’ve been to the activities of the clans. I hadn’t even heard of the Viper you say is doing his bidding.” the queen explained, her expression one of frustration. “I suggested once that the clans appoint ambassadors to the city, but the lords did not appreciate that, preferring only to communicate with me when necessary.”

I exhaled through my nose in amusement, envisioning how the lords I had encountered would react to the suggestion of fussy diplomacy and diplomats. The clans of the desert negotiated through shows of strength and preferred to leave it that way.

The queen shot me a look, and I froze, worrying I had offended, but she raised a brow in amusement. “I see you understand the difficulty, but I’m not willing to continue operating blindly when the clans pose a threat to my people. That’s where Oren comes in. Maybe if we can gather more information about Lord Alasdar’s plans, we can stop this war before it even starts.”

I looked at Oren once more, this time really taking him in. He met my examination with a crooked smile.