Page 81 of Heart of the Desert

“Those things seem to be worth it.” I thought of the way Erix held the power to shatter my heart and mind in the palm of his hand and knew that it was true. The thought of being left alone again after experiencing such a connection was the worst pain I could imagine, but I had no doubt Erix warranted the risk. “Besides, you’re the bravest person I know.”

Aderyn ran her blade gently over my scalp, and a dusting of dark hair fell to the ground. “I’ve never been this scared before,” she admitted quietly.

For a moment, the only sound in the dimly lit tent was the quiet rasp of the knife over my skin. “The coming battles will be a challenge for all of us,” I admitted. Thus far Aderyn hadn’t let the growing swell of her belly keep her from riding and fighting and aiding others in any way possible, but I didn’t envy her facing a fight with the extra unwieldly weight.

“I’m not afraid of fighting,” she admitted. “I fear not fighting.”

I frowned, even though I knew she couldn’t see my face as she stood at my back.

A rustle of air brushed over my newly bare scalp, the sensation making me jump as she sighed and leaned in close to get a good look at her work.

“I am desperate to retake Kelvadan,” she admitted as she continued. “I want my child to be raised there—for it to once again be the safe haven and home it always was for me. And how can I look my child in the eye and teach them to be brave when I couldn’t free the people I swore to protect? But what if I can’t fight when the time comes? Or maybe I shouldn’t? What if Neven…”

“Neven loves your warrior’s spirit,” I assured her, even as I swallowed around the thick lump in my throat. “He would never ask you to lay down your sword.”

“He’s lost so much already,” she murmured. “His hand. This time together that should have been so joyful. I don’t want him to lose anything else. But I also don’t want to lose Kelvadan.”

I swallowed heavily. I didn’t know what to say to such a fear, for there were no promises I could make. I would move mountains to reclaim the desert and protect the ones I loved in the process, but I could not assure anybody’s safety in the desert. Death was always present in the Ballan Desert.

So instead of promises, I just tried to listen. Thankfully, Aderyn was a woman of action as well, and I knew she understood the value of my silent presence when there was very little to be said. She would not appreciate hollow promises.

We sat in comfortable silence as she continued shaving half my head. Her touch was gentle but sure, the sensation of newly bared skin oddly ticklish. Absorbed in my own mind, a thought from earlier surfaced. “You care for Kelvadan more than anybody.”

“It’s home.”

“It’s more than that for you.”

“Just like the desert is for you.”

I smiled. It was something we had never quite agreed on, despite our similarities in so many ways. She craved the constant bustle of people and adored the majesty of the towering walls and intricate architecture of the Great City. While I had come to love what it represented with all my heart, I still craved the endless horizon and the stars above me as I slept.

“If—When we retake Kelvadan, it will need a queen that loves it,” I pointed out.

Aderyn’s fingers paused on my head for the barest of seconds, but I still felt it.

“Queen Ginevra made you her heir, and Erix is her son after all.”

“The purpose of a high lord is to represent all the people of the desert, not just those of one clan or city.”

Aderyn sighed. “We will see what is left of the city to rule once Calix is done with it.”

I swallowed, but I held on to the hope that she hadn’t said no. I understood why Ginevra had made me her heir in a time where people needed a symbol to believe in. It was something both she and Lord Alasdar had understood—a cause was a powerful way to unite a divided people.

But even as I was crowned, Aderyn gave her sweat, blood, and tears to the people of Kelvadan. They deserved a leader who loved their home as much as I loved the open desert.

“There,” Aderyn declared, brushing away the last few hairs that clung to my now-bare skin. “Now you just need some decorative ink and we’ll match.”

A sharp exhale that was almost a laugh escaped me. “I don’t think the stripe would suit me the way it does you, but I’ll consider it.”

I stood and turned to face her. Even as I stood a head taller than her, she seemed larger than life. “I’ll consider too,” she murmured.

I gave her a single squeeze on the shoulder before ducking back out into the night.

Chapter twenty-nine

Erix

For the first time in months, Keera and I finished our forms, ending with even our breathing in perfect unison, before looking around at a loss. There was no monster to fight or miles to ride. Battle was on the horizon, but not yet in front of us.