Page 96 of Knot What I Expected

“Not tomorrow.”

That part almost killed him.

We had paperwork to fill out. Records to arrange. Questions I didn't necessarily want anyone asking.

But I managed.

Because I had to.

Because Havoc was right.

Fuck.

I hate admitting that.

But he was.

I’ve spent so much of Matteo’s life keeping him safe that somewhere along the way I stopped asking myself whether I was letting him live.

So we went shopping.

Pencils.

Crayons.

Folders.

A little dinosaur backpack and matching lunch box he absolutely had to have.

New clothes.

He picked them all out himself. And after? My baby strutted around the store like he’d been given the keys to a Ferrari.

And Monday morning? I walked him into that school with my heart lodged so far up my throat I could barely breathe.

I watched him disappear into his classroom.

Then I sat in my car and cried for twenty freaking minutes.

Not because I was sad.

Well, maybe a little.

Mostly because I was terrified. Every instinct I possess told me to run inside, grab him, and disappear again.

That's what I know.

Run.

Hide.

Protect.

Except Matteo deserves more than a childhood spent running from the Suicide Cliff Wake.

What’s the point of getting him away if he never gets to have a life?

So I let him go. A little.