Page 12 of Everlasting Vows

We discuss some possible long-term solutions, but in the meantime, we shuffle some guys around to pick up my overnight and weekend jobs so I can be home every night and weekend for the next few weeks. It’s a start and more than I expected this soon. Hopefully, Abbi will see that I’m serious about making the necessary changes.

As the owner of the company, I always planned to step away from day-to-day operations at some point. The goal is to have people in place to take leadership positions within the company and to expand the team to grow the business. I just need it to happen sooner than I’d planned.

Gabe steps out of my office, and I check the time. Satisfied that I can spare a few minutes, I pull up the IKEA website on my laptop and check out their storage ideas. I add a few possible items to my cart so I can assess their suitability when I get to the store.

SESSION ONE

I climb the steps to The Bunker at ten to eleven, with my heart beating a million miles per minute. So much so that the brass sign to the left of the double doors blurs a little. I’m beyond grateful for the existence of this place and the people inside, as well as the other returned servicemen and women who frequent this establishment. It’s given me a safe place where everyone inherently understands each other’s burdens and pressures because we’ve all shared similar experiences. We don’t need to pretend to be someone we’re not here. There are no pretenses and no fakery—my kinda place.

Pushing open the heavy brown door, I draw in a deep breath and feel some of the tension leave my shoulders. Double-checking the time, I decide to grab coffee before my chat with Harry. I weave through the tables, my footsteps thudding across the worn timber floor, and place my order. While I wait, I try to pin down exactly what I’d like to achieve by the end of this session.

I know I can’t resolve all of my issues in one session, but I’d like to at least have a plan moving forward. I need to know if Harry thinks my marriage can be saved. I need to know if he thinks I can regain my wife’s trust and if I’ll be able to sleep next to her again. I need to know there’s hope that I can hold Abbi as she falls asleep and know without a doubt that I won’t hurt her during the night.

I press the heel of my hand to my sternum and rub the ache there. I miss the simplicity of our lives. Warm nights swimming in her parent’s pool, then sneaking off to fuck in the pool house before reluctantly going home. Stealing kisses and sharing dreams. The naivety of dreaming up our future and it turning out exactly as planned. I want that future. The future we dreamed up as kids. I only hope Abbi still wants it, too.

With two cups of coffee in hand, I make my way through the building to Harry’s room. He doesn’t like to call it an office, preferring to keep things low-key. I stop at his open door to find him staring out of the window with his back to me. The room is bright and warm; welcoming. Before stepping over the threshold, I knock on his door to alert him of my presence.

He turns toward me with a friendly smile. I’m certain he’s seen and experienced much worse than I have, yet I’ve never seen the man with a frown. “Ah, young Nixon Steele. Come in,” he says as he steps toward me, taking the cup I’m holding out toward him and then shaking my hand. He sips the hot drink and sighs. “Thank you. This is just what I needed.”

“You’re welcome.”

He waves toward the overstuffed armchairs off to the side. “Shall we sit, or would you prefer to wander through the community garden?”

I don’t want to risk someone overhearing our conversation. I’m not ready for everyone to know what a failure I am. “Happy to sit for a while.” I take the chair closest to the window, while Harry closes the door to give us privacy.

He sits casually, lounging in his chair as if he’s enjoying a Sunday afternoon chat with an old friend. “How’s business?”

“Good. Busy. Growing.”

He nods. “Sounds like everything’s going according to plan, then.”

“I guess you could say that.” It’s turned into a beast that’s overtaking my life.

Harry waves his finger around my face. “Okay. To be clear, those internal thoughts of yours need to be spoken.” He raises a bushy eyebrow. “I can’t see inside your mind. A surprise, I know”—he holds out his hand and shrugs—“so you need to share all of your thoughts with me. No matter how big, how small, or how inconsequential you think they may be.” He sips his coffee. “Or this won’t work.”

I sigh. “Got it.” This isn’t going to be easy.

“There you go again. Saying more in your head than you say out loud.” He chuckles. “It takes practice, but you’ll get there.”

I shake my head. “How do you do that?”

He taps the side of his nose. “Trade secret, young man. Now, let’s get started.”

“Okay.” I sink further into my chair, trying to appear comfortable, but every muscle in my body is drawn tight, and my mind seems to have blanked of my purpose for being here.

“What drove you to call me this morning?”

Wow. Direct. I wipe my hand across my mouth and remember I’m supposed to say everything I think. “Wow. Direct.”

“No point in beating around the bush. I’m sure you have things you need to do.” He looks at me with raised brows, waiting for me to fill him in.

I blow out a heavy breath as I peer out of the window, suddenly finding it difficult to look Harry in the eye. The weight of the words sitting on my tongue taste bitter. “Abbi asked for a divorce yesterday.” I finally look at him. I’m sure he can see my shame written all over my face.

Harry’s brows scrunch down over his wise eyes; compassion dripping from his features. “I’m sorry to hear that, Nix.”

“Yeah. It came out of nowhere. I was completely blindsided.” Blood rushes to my ears as her words replay in my mind. The muscle in my chest squeezes tight, and I wonder if it will ever function properly again after yesterday. “The thought of losing Abbi is unacceptable. To know she’s so unhappy that she wants to leave me is devastating. To learn that she doesn’t love me …” I shake my head, fisting my free hand on the arm of the overstuffed chair. “I can’t imagine a world without Abbi’s unconditional love. I don’t want to.”

I glance at the gold band on Harry’s finger, then look at my wedding ring, rubbing the wide, dark surface with my thumb.