Page 24 of Everlasting Vows

I lean forward on the vanity and look dead in the eyes of the woman staring back at me. “You wanted this. So, pull up your big-girl panties and get on with it. You deserve better than to be ignored. It doesn’t matter that he used to treat you like a princess; he doesn’t anymore. Accept it. Accept that your relationship has changed and move the hell on or let him do the work and stay.”

Shoving away from the vanity, I stand tall, pushing my shoulders back. I fidget with my hair, pulling it around my face a little to hide the redness, then toss the tissues and paper towel in the trash. A renewed sense of determination to be valued, appreciated, and acknowledged builds, filling up some of the broken, empty spaces. “I deserve better,” I murmur as I step away from the mirror and toward the door.

Returning to the table and seeing the sadness painting Callie’s face, some of my determination wanes. The breakdown of my marriage doesn’t affect only Nix and me. It affects Prue and Murph. And Callie.

Maybe I’m being too selfish. I’ll hurt so many people if I walk away from Nix. I sit and Callie slides my coffee in front of me. Under my sister’s watchful gaze, I take a sip of the now-cold brew, noting her cup is empty.

I force a close-lipped smile onto my face. “I’m sorry.”

Her body sags, and she reaches across to lay her hand on top of mine. “You don’t need to be sorry, Abs.” She swallows, looking down at her hand on mine, then looks back up at me. “I had no idea things were bad between you guys. You both always seem so … united. Together. Unbreakable. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.” She waves her hand around in the space between us. “I’ve been so caught up with Dean and the girls, I must have missed all the signs.”

I shake my head. “No. Don’t do that. You didn’t miss anything because there was nothing to miss. I-I just kept going along as if everything was okay. But … it grew to be too much. I’ve been thinking about asking for a divorce for a while. I even got the papers drawn up, but I never thought I’d actually ask for a divorce. You know?” She nods as if she understands, but I doubt she does. I’m struggling to understand it myself. “Then, Thursday morning … I walked into the kitchen and he was there. He’s normally gone before me. And … and I thought maybe he’d stayed late to spend some time with me, but … he couldn’t even be bothered to lift his eyes from his phone to say good morning.” I breathe deeply. “And … something broke inside me. The request for a divorce sort of fell off my lips.” I press my fingers to my mouth as if I can push the words back inside, but it’s too late for that. “I couldn’t believe it, but I didn’t take them back. I couldn’t.”

“Oh, god, Abs. I can’t even imagine how hard that was for you.”

“I’ve been losing myself bit by bit since he retired. I’d … hoped that when he came home for good, he’d want to spend time with us. You know? Make up for all the lost years from when he was away. I thought … finally! I won’t have to be the man and woman of the house. I figured the load would be shared. But nothing changed. Except he came home to sleep each night. But it was like he still wasn’t there.” I push my hair behind my ears and lean in closer. Callie mirrors me until there’s only a few inches between us. “We don’t even sleep in the same bed and … and I can’t remember the last time we had sex,” I confess softly.

Callie screws up her nose as if thinking about me and Nix having sex is too much information for her delicate sensibilities. Don’t worry about all the times I had to listen as she gushed over Dean and his prowess in the bedroom.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

She pulls away, her brows drawn tight, creating deep creases between them. “Like what?”

“Like you just learned your parents have sex.”

She screws up her nose again and bites the inside of her cheek. “Well.” She waves her hand around the space between us. “It is sort of like that. You pretty much raised me.”

A harsh chuckle puffs over my lips. “True.”

My sister’s face softens, and compassion fills the space between us, wrapping around me like a cozy blanket. “What are you going to do?”

I lift and drop one shoulder, my stomach churning. “Nix wants to fix it.”

Her eyes light up, and a smile lifts her cheeks. “That’s great.”

“I guess so. I don’t trust him to put our marriage … to put me first, though. He broke my heart. Piece by piece, he chipped away at it until it was barely beating.” I swipe at the tears on my cheeks. “I don’t think he fully understands the damage he’s caused.”

She reaches across, squeezing my hand. “Then you have to tell him, and don’t hold back. Be honest with him and don’t spare his feelings. You tend to keep too much inside to protect the people around you, and this time you need to put yourself and your needs first. God, Sissy, you practically went from raising me to raising your own babies. You deserve to put yourself first for once.” She squeezes me again. “And don’t make it easy for him. You deserve for him to work hard … to fight to get you back.”

A sad smile tilts up my lips at the fierceness in her eyes. “I really just want to hold things together until Prue’s wedding is over. For her. You know.” I fill my lungs slowly and blow it out again. “This is a special time for her and Luke, and I don’t want our troubles to take anything away from her happiness.” My shoulders hunch up around my ears. “I wish I hadn’t said anything to Nix, but I can’t take it back now. I don’t want to.”

“And you shouldn’t have to. You deserve to be treated like you’re the most special person on the planet, because that’s exactly what you are. I could kick Nix’s ass for treating you in a way that’s less than what you deserve.” She leans back in her seat with a huff. “I never realized what an asshole he is.”

I lean forward. “Hey. He’s not an asshole. Don’t talk about him like that. He’s never once been disloyal, and he’s a great provider. A fantastic dad … when he’s there. He’s just …” I struggle to put my new reality into words.

“Not a great husband anymore,” Callie finishes for me.

“Yeah,” I breathe. The weight of that single word feels like a stone boulder resting on my chest.

We fall into silence. Each of us lost in our own thoughts. I’m sure Callie’s struggling to reconcile what she’s learned today with her love for Nix. She idolizes him like the big brother he is to her. He even walked her down the aisle when she married Dean, so this must be difficult for her.

Her phone beeps with an alert, and she silences it, then her sad eyes lift to mine. “I’m sorry. That’s my alarm to head home. I can’t believe how quickly the time has flown.”

I shake my head. “Don’t be sorry. You get to see your babies soon.”

Callie’s entire demeanor changes, and her eyes light up. “Yeah,” she sighs. “Even though I’ve only been gone since early this morning, I’ve missed them so much.”

We both climb to our feet and stroll out of the café. “Make sure you hug them for me.” I reach into my purse and pull out two small gifts, one for each of the girls. “And give them these from their Aunt Abbi.”