Page 98 of Everlasting Vows

“But you’re not alone. You have us. We want to support you,” I tell him, hoping my words sink in.

He shrugs carelessly. “You and Dad can’t be with me 24/7 while I recover. This is going to take months and months. I don’t need you guys holding my hand.”

His words hold a finality that I don’t want to push back against. We raised our kids to be independent, and I recognize that’s what this is about. He needs to reclaim his independence, and I need to support that. I need to respect his decision. As much as it pains me to step back, I’ll do it for him, but I need him to know that we have his back.

“We won’t hold your hand, Murph, but I need you to promise me you’ll call us if you need anything. Anything at all, no matter how trivial or important. Promise me that and I’ll book our tickets home instead of a flight to Washington.” I hold his eyes with love in my heart, showing him how important he is to me.

He holds my gaze, and I feel his acceptance fill the space between us. “Okay. I promise.”

My shoulders fall with relief, and the tears I held back before fill my eyes too quickly to be contained. I didn’t want to cry in front of Murphy. He’s dealing with a lot already; he doesn’t need his mother falling apart on top of everything else.

Strong arms wrap around my shoulders, pulling me back into a firm chest. Nix presses a kiss beneath my ear, then his hot breath cascades across my ear. “He’ll be okay, Abs.”

I nod. I know. I know he will. He’ll get through this. We all will. But life will always be different now. He has scars that nobody can see. Nix understands that better than anyone.

It’s not what we wanted for our son.

His pain is my pain, and my heart aches for him. This is something I can’t fix. I can’t make it better. As he said, he needs to do this himself. We can help him and support him, but the lion’s share of the work is his alone. It’s one of the toughest things to realize as a mom. Parenting was so much easier when they were small.

My limbs are heavy after saying goodbye to Murphy before he was transferred to Ramstein Air Base for his journey to Washington. It was beyond difficult to let him go. Today has been emotionally draining; from my discussion with Nix this morning to saying goodbye to Murphy tonight, I feel as though I’ve been chewed up and spat out.

Once back in our room, Nix guides me straight into the bathroom, turns on the shower, and strips me before removing his own clothes. Steam fills the small room, and already some of the tension in my muscles untangles. When he takes my hand and tugs me inside the shower cubicle, hot needles prick my skin and a soft sigh puffs over my lips.

“That feels amazing,” I murmur as the warm water engulfs me.

Nix’s soapy hands slide up my arms, massaging my aching muscles, turning them to Jell-O. The release of tension, the feeling of being cared for, is incredible and exactly what I need right now. His capable fingers dig into my shoulders, massaging the tight muscles, causing my head to drop forward against his collarbone. A hot breath leaves my mouth on a sigh, and my eyes drift closed for a moment, enjoying the bliss.

Nix’s lips press against the top of my head. “He’ll be okay. I recognized the determination in the stubborn set of his chin tonight before he left,” he murmurs.

I nod against his shoulder, then press my lips to his hot flesh. “I know. I saw it too.” I couldn’t miss the promise in his eyes as they wheeled him away from us. It settled my need to mother him a little.

Nix grabs the shower head and washes the soap from my body, ensuring every sud washes down the drain. Straightening, I squeeze soap into my palms so I can return the favor. I glide my hands over his taut muscles, massaging the tightness across the middle of his back and up to his shoulders. His head drops forward, and he rests his hand against the tiled wall as if he’s struggling to stay upright.

We used to do this sort of thing all the time, so much so that we took these intimate moments for granted. As my hands map the planes of his back and my fingers trace the scars on his body, tears well and my lungs trap my breath. We almost lost this.

I scan Nix, from the top of his cropped hair, across his broad shoulders that seem capable of carrying the weight of the world, to the powerful muscles flexing down his back, his tight ass and muscular legs that have carried him away from me and back again. He’s mine. And I realize he’s always been mine, even if he forgot to show me for a while.

He turns his head, his eyes locking on me over his shoulder, and I notice that I’ve stopped washing him. His brow furrows as he takes me in. “You okay?”

I nod quickly, returning to my task. “Yeah. It’s been a long few days. I’m spent.”

My hands fall away as Nix turns to face me fully, dipping his back beneath the spray to wash the suds away. “Room service should be here soon. We can eat, then I’ll pack and we can head to bed. We have an early flight home tomorrow.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I eye our mostly packed luggage. I watch Nix as he does a last check in the bathroom that we haven’t left anything in the cupboard beneath the vanity. My eyes droop, so I lie down, resting my head on the pillow while I clumsily drag the sheet and blanket over my body. Nix’s eyes soften when they fall on me as he steps out of the bathroom. He doesn’t say anything, just pads over to the door to check the lock and turns off the lights in the room, bathing us in the soft glow of the bedside lamp. I trail him with my eyes, soaking up his presence for as long as I can before he disappears next door to his own bed.

The bed dips behind me, and I twist my head to kiss him goodnight, but he’s not leaning over to say goodnight; he’s lying behind me. He wraps his body around me and slides his hand over my waist to pull me back into him. My ass meets his pelvis, and my back meets his chest. Our legs tangle together, and he presses a kiss to the back of my head, then my shoulder. Warmth wraps around me like a thick blanket, and I instinctively relax into him.

I know he won’t stay the night. He’s told me as much, and I’ve agreed to give him the time he needs to deal with his night terrors. It’s the least I could offer him after everything he’s done to fix what was broken in our marriage.

His arm bands around me, and my breaths deepen on the crest of falling into the abyss of sleep. “Sleep tight, Abs. I love you,” he whispers against my hair.

My lips tease up and I breathe deeply. “You too,” I murmur as I sink closer to sleep. “Love you.”

Cradled in his arms, warmth flows through my body, filling my heart with light and love. I wriggle a little, and Nix loosens his hold, allowing me to roll over and face him. I place my hand on his heart and gaze deep into my husband’s eyes. “I mean it, Nix. I love you.”

One side of his mouth tips up. “I know.”

“I don’t want you ever to question how much I love you,” I murmur, never taking my eyes from his.