Page 70 of Chasing a Highland Dream

Without turning around, she said, ‘Why do you always have to mention Aiden? I thought you liked me. And I don’t feel for him the way I do for…’ She stiffened, realising she had almost said too much. If she had been wrong about his feelings for her, she would end up looking incredibly stupid and ran the risk of sounding self-centred and vain. ‘I mean… I don’t feel as strongly about him as people seem to think.’

There was a moment of silence where something in the air changed. It was almost palpable, and Bella’s heartrate picked up.

Harris took a step closer so the front of this body was dangerously close to the back of hers. ‘What were you going to say, Bella? Before you corrected yourself, what were you going to say?’ She could feel the heat from him radiating through her clothes and she had to fight the almost overwhelming urge to throw herself into his arms. He persisted.

She turned and gazed up at him. ‘Do you really want to know?’ she asked, knowing it was probably pointless.

He cupped her cheek and closed his eyes for a split second before fixing her with a stern gaze and shook his head. ‘No. I don’t think I do. Because in two months I’m leaving Inverness to start a new life on Skye, and a long-distance relationship, even though I’ll only be a few hours away, would be pretty difficult considering my role. I can’t live here and run a station in Glentorrin. Which means, in a way, we’re already facing an impasse. And I’ve been there before.’

Her glance must have been questioning because he sighed deeply and continued, ‘My ex, Alba, was promoted to detective superintendent and moved to Glasgow. She was so driven. She asked me to go but I didn’t want to work in such a big city. It’s not me. So I said no and we tried long distance but… it was too hard. Eventually she broke things off with me because she thought I lacked ambition. But it’s not that, it’s just community policing is where my heart lies, and the job on Skye is exactly where I see myself being happy. And I know you don’t want to leave Inverness and I completely respect that, especially under the current circumstances. But… maybe I could stay…’

A horrible realisation washed over Bella, and she closed her eyes, pausing to choose her words very carefully, and as much as she didn’t want to say them, she opened her eyes and said them anyway. ‘Harris, I can’t be the reason you don’t relocate. I imagine opportunities like this for your career won’t be a regular occurrence, so realistically you have to take that job. You’d regret it if you didn’t. And I don’t want to be the cause of you having doubts about all of that. We haven’t known each other long enough for those kinds of huge decisions.’ Keep going and you might convince yourself, Douglas. ‘The thing is, if we did become an us and things ended I would never forgive myself for causing you to turn down your dream job. And not only that but you may end up resenting me if you do. And, as you said, I can’t leave Inverness. Not with what’s happened to my granny. She means so much to me and the thought of not being here for her, even if it’s only a few hours away…’

Sadness became evident in his furrowed brow. ‘I totally understand. You don’t need to explain. And I don’t want to put pressure on you either. Long distance is never easy. It puts unnecessary strain on things, and this would be a new relationship that doesn’t need extra pressure.’ He sighed and ran a strand of her hair through his fingers. ‘But you’ve probably noticed I’m already falling for you, and I don’t want to fall deeper and then have it all come crashing down around us if I leave.’

Bella’s eyes began to sting. ‘When you leave. You have to leave.’

He closed his eyes and nodded then rested his forehead on hers. ‘And you have to stay. So… as much as I don’t want this, maybe it is better certain things remain unsaid. And in that case… friends?’

Tears spilled over from Bella’s eyes, and she repeated, ‘Friends.’ The word felt like poison on her lips. Why hadn’t she been honest? Why hadn’t she told him exactly how she felt?

He clenched his jaw and lowered his face to hers then paused before placing a gentle, almost chaste kiss on her lips. She inhaled the scent of him and realised how being this close to him affected her. Her heart ached as it hammered at her chest.

Before she could stop herself, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close again, kissing him once more with all the desire that had been building inside of her, but she had tried to ignore. She poured her heart into that kiss in case it was the last time it ever happened, and he kissed her back with as much urgency.

She knew it was selfish but the feel of his lips on hers sparked something deep inside of her. A switch had been flicked and it felt right. She wanted him and although her heart and head were in conflicting positions, her heart was winning the game this time.

He pulled away and fixed his gaze on her, a crease of confusion furrowing his brow as he stared in evident bewilderment. ‘But…’

She knew she had to explain. She gripped his hands and pleaded at him with her eyes. ‘Okay, so maybe I lied. I don’t want to be friends. I want you, Harris. I know this is totally out of the blue, probably completely pointless and incredibly selfish, and I know I’m possibly going to regret this when the time comes for you to leave, but could we try? Could we see where this goes? Because regardless of everything I’ve just said, the things about us failing and you resenting me, and what you said about long distance being hard, I don’t care. Because this feels right. Am I crazy? Or do you feel it too?’ He didn’t reply. ‘Harris, what I’m trying to say is I’m falling for you too, and if that’s how we both feel, surely we can make it work, can’t we?’

He stepped back but kept his eyes fixed on her. He didn’t speak but still he stared. Her heart sank and she felt light-headed. He was going to say no. He was going to stick to his guns and be strong for them both. He was going to demand they remain friends and her heart was going to break because she wasn’t falling at all. She had already plummeted headfirst into love with him, and that fact had only just completely sunk in, like a lead weight on her heart.

What had started as a friendship had rapidly changed, and she hadn’t recognised it for what it was. The times she had looked forward to seeing him, the times she had been disappointed when she had missed him, the times she had been boosted by something he had done for her, or something he had said, the way she had found herself looking at him, secretly imagining what it would feel like to kiss him. Well, now she knew, and she wanted to fight for it.

She wanted more.

He shook his head, but the crumple to his forehead didn’t disappear. ‘But we just agreed this wouldn’t work.’ He ran his hands over his hair and laced his fingers on top of his head as if doing so would stop him from wanting to touch her. ‘And we’d have to live apart. We might not see each other very often.’ He removed his hands from his head and held them up in a halting motion. ‘I don’t want you to get hurt and I certainly don’t want to be the one responsible for hurting you.’

A spark of hope spurred her on. ‘But that’s it, Harris, I’ll be hurt more if we don’t give us a chance, won’t you? Because that way we’ll never know if we could have been something amazing. And we have two months to see what happens. What if we try to be friends but lose each other anyway because it’s too hard? Wouldn’t you rather see where things go? A lot can happen in two months. We of all people should know that.’

He needed no further encouragement. With one swift move, she was in his arms and his lips were on hers in a kiss that took her breath away and sent shivers through every fibre in her body. Nothing had ever felt so right. Not kissing her favourite author and not even kissing her childhood crush. This kiss was the stuff of dreams, of hopes, a manifestation of everything she never realised she wanted until now.

She slipped her arms up around his shoulders and into his hair as the kiss intensified. But she slowed down and pulled away a little. With her eyes closed, she breathed, ‘Will you stay with me tonight… please? I can’t… I can’t offer anything more than closeness for now but… I don’t want to be alone. I want to sleep in your arms and wake knowing you’re there.’ Although she wanted him physically, too, she knew her mind was clouded with worry and she wanted to have a clear mind the first time they made love, and she had every intention of that happening. Just not tonight.

He didn’t speak and she worried she had said the wrong thing. She closed her eyes. ‘I’m… I’m sorry, I know I’m making no sense, and my signals are all over the place. First I kiss you like my life depends on it and then I say I can’t offer anything more but… today has been so hard and emotional, and you’re the only one I want to be near. And I should make a clean break with Aiden; I suppose it’s only fair to do that before you and I… But I… I want to know you’re here with me because I don’t think I’ll sleep if you’re not. Is that incredibly selfish of me?’ When she opened her eyes, she found him gazing at her, a smile on his full lips.

He lifted his hand and smoothed his thumb across the apple of her cheek. ‘Bella, I’m here, aren’t I? For whatever you need. So lead the way,’ he whispered.

Bella fluttered her eyes open as she felt gentle circles being drawn on the fabric of her T-shirt. She sighed and stretched before turning her face and seeing Harris gazing down at her.

‘You smile in your sleep,’ he told her. He was fully clothed and had lain on top of the covers all night long.

‘You’ve given me something to smile about,’ she replied.

‘Likewise,’ he said before placing a chaste kiss on her shoulder.

‘What time is it?’ she said as she rolled onto her back. ‘I need to call the hospital.’