Page 11 of Snowy Surprises in the Highlands

Even for a couple of days after that Harris seemed a little distant; didn’t talk much and had an air of sadness about him. He was still affectionate, held her at night and kissed her goodbye when she left for work, but Bella could sense that there was something not quite right. It was as if he was going through the motions, like a robot following its programming. She had been working her way up to asking him what was wrong, but every time she was about to do so, his phone would ring, and he’d be called away on police business. There just hadn’t been a fitting time.

On Thursday morning, Bella spent a few hours putting together some ideas for the Drumblair distillery and in the afternoon, she went to Sconser to visit potential new clients. They were a young professional couple who had bought a rundown house, and it needed totally gutting. They had so much enthusiasm and lots of ideas for what they wanted to do with the place that it should have been rubbing off on her. After all, she saw herself and Harris in them and their excitement for their new life together but instead of making her happy she felt a little lost. Sad even. Possibly a tiny bit envious.

The house was a little further north than Rowan Cottage, the house her mum and dad had viewed, and on the way home she imagined calling in to see them as she passed the now empty house. A twinge of sadness tugged at her though. Everything was amplified; missing her friends, missing her mum and dad and she knew it was all because of Harris’s change of mood. Although she wasn’t technically alone, she somehow felt the weight of loneliness, nonetheless.

On the way home, she made a detour via Loch Ainort viewpoint and pulled over. She wrapped her coat and scarf tightly around her body and climbed out of the car. She filled her lungs with the fresh sea air and even though there was only a light breeze, it numbed her lips and nose with its icy fingers as it touched her skin. She walked down to the water’s edge and watched the sea birds diving into the water fishing for their supper. Their lives were simple, she thought, search for food, build a nest, bring up chicks. The only worry they had was finding the food to feed their chicks… and of course predators. Okay, so they maybe had things just as hard, but they didn’t have to deal with emotions, did they? Nor did they have to worry about whether their partner had changed his mind on the future he had offered. Because at that moment in time she felt like her relationship was suddenly hanging by a thread. What if he was working out how to leave her? Trying to find a way to say it was all moving too fast? Or that perhaps he had realised he only loved her as a friend, nothing more.

She couldn’t do this any more. The ice-cold temperature she was experiencing from the weather should remain outside and not be seeping into her heart. She shouldn’t be accepting it from her fiancé either. It wasn’t fair to be kept in the dark when whatever he was trying to hide from her was making her miserable anyway. So, whatever it was, and however hard it would be to hear, she needed to know. With renewed determination, she climbed back into the car and returned home, prepared to get to the bottom of things no matter how much it hurt.

* * *

Bella found Harris sitting at the kitchen table, staring at a mug of coffee. She walked over to the countertop by the coffee machine and removed her coat, placing it and her bag down.

‘Is the coffee fresh?’ she asked. He didn’t answer but Bertie jumped up at her legs, wagging his tail; he was excited to see her, at least. She crouched to see the pup who was growing rapidly but still a cute ball of fluff. He wiggled and wriggled as she said hello to him, rubbing his belly when he rolled onto his back.

‘Harris.’

As if coming out of a trance, he turned. ‘Yes?’

‘I was asking if the coffee is fresh?’

He stood and poured his full mug down the sink. ‘Sorry, I’ll make a fresh pot.’

She reached out and touched his cheek. ‘It’s fine, I’ll do it. Are you feeling okay?’

He rubbed both hands over his face. ‘Aye, just tired. I’m off to go shower and see if that wakes me up.’ He turned to leave the room, and she took her opportunity. It was now or never.

‘Are you sure that’s all it is, Harris?’ She felt the stinging of tears behind her eyes. ‘Because you’ve been pretty distant since the engagement party, and I’m worried you’ve changed your mind about us.’

He paused for a moment, then turned and stood there, just staring at her, a look of disbelief on his face. And then, as if a realisation had hit, he quickly walked over and pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly as if his life depended on it. She cried into his chest, not really understanding why, but knowing things were definitely not right.

‘If you have changed your mind, please just tell me. Because I can’t bear this silence and feeling as though you’re thinking you’ve made a mistake in asking me to marry you.’

He tilted her face up with his hands, his eyes were red and glassy with emotion too, and it was evident from the dark circles under his eyes he hadn’t been sleeping.

He shook his head. ‘Don’t ever think that. I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel that way. I would never, ever think I’d made a mistake with you, Bella. You’re my world, don’t you know that?’

‘But you asked me if I had any regrets the day of the engagement party, a party you were eager to hold by the way, and then you’ve been acting strange since then. Like you’re on autopilot, but not really there. What else am I supposed to think? You keep dashing off into the station and making excuses to not be in the same room as me. Then at night you cling to me so tightly that I struggle to breathe. It’s so confusing. I honestly don’t know what to think any more. Apart from maybe that you’re trying to figure out how to dump me and you’re racked with guilt for wanting to.’

‘Come and sit down,’ he said, leading her to the kitchen table. ‘I owe you an explanation.’

‘I think you do,’ she said, her stomach in knots and her whole body shaking.

She sat down and he followed suit, pulling his chair close so he could hold her hand. ‘On the morning of the engagement party I received an email out of the blue. It threw me when I saw the sender and I didn’t read it until the end of the night. And then I didn’t know what to think or what to say about the news it contained. So, I just tried to digest it by myself.’

Panic gripped her. Was he ill and he hadn’t told her? ‘Who was it from?’ She was terrified of the answer.

Harris sighed. ‘My ex, Alba.’

Hearing this deepened her worry. She remembered about Olivia’s brother Kerr’s son and how he’d never known the boy existed until his mother decided to announce it years later. Was this going to be another one of those situations? ‘Oh. I see.’ Her hands trembled in his.

‘It’s not what you’re thinking, I can guarantee that.’

‘What was it then? What did she want? Why was she contacting you after all this time?’

He pulled his lips between his teeth for a moment and then said, ‘She’s going through a very rough patch. An incredibly tough time.’

Bella couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy, even though she had no reason to feel it. ‘But why does that involve you?’ The fear of him announcing a child reared its head again. What would she say? How would she cope?