Page 36 of It Was Always You

Here I stand and say goodbye

I wish you both happiness, love, and joy

And now I’ll stop before I cry.

The tears she had been holding back and had joked about escaped down her cheeks, and she felt the urge to run, but the room exploded in applause and glancing up she could see there was hardly a dry eye in the room. Adam and Eve enveloped her in a bear hug as she congratulated them. Every emotion she had ever felt erupted from within under the guise of happiness.

Only Lily knew the truth.

Only Lily knew the heartache.

TRACK 16

‘SHE’S OUT OF MY LIFE’ (MICHAEL JACKSON)

August 2022 – six weeks after Eve’s death

‘Adders? Adders, where are you?’ Lily called when she arrived to find Adam’s front door unlocked. There was no reply. She made her way through the dishevelled lounge into the kitchen at the back of the house. Dirty dishes covered every surface.

An unpleasant odour assaulted her nostrils. ‘Bloody hell, it stinks in here, Adders. Where are you?’

She still got no response. Walking back through the lounge she made her way up the stairs. The unpleasant smell seemed to follow her wherever she dared to tread. I’ll need to have my effing clothes fumigated at this rate.

She dodged discarded shoes, socks, and other items on the stairs and made her way to Adam’s bedroom. On opening the door, her nose was assaulted by the pungent smell of unwashed male. Delightful. Adam was lying face down on his bed, curtains drawn.

She plonked down beside him, switched on the bedside lamp, and poked him in the back. ‘Adders, for goodness’ sake, come on man, get up.’

He sniffed and rolled over. His eyes were puffy and his face unshaven. ‘Thanks for your sympathy. Now sod off.’ He covered his eyes with his arm where a fresh batch of tears sprang forth.

‘Because you’re my best friend and because your wife is dead, I’m going to let you off for that. Now get up and get a shower. You stink. We’re going to go for a walk and then we’re coming back here to clean up this shit hole.’

Adam groaned. ‘Why do you have to be so harsh, Lil? Why do you say because your wife is dead so matter-of-factly?’

‘Because, Adam, I’m sorry but it is a matter of fact. And you sitting here aiming for the most unwashed and hairy man of the year prize isn’t going to change that. People are too nervous to be straight with you. Your mum sent me round to knock some sense into you. She feels too scared to kick you up the arse in case you jump off a cliff.’ She rocked his body back and forth. ‘I, on the other hand, know that you’re too much of a chicken to do such a thing, seeing as you’re scared of heights, and so I’m here to tell you to get the hell out of bed, get washed, and get on with your life!’ She raised her voice at him but immediately felt guilty.

She pulled his arm away from his face. ‘It’s been almost six weeks since the funeral. School has been back in session for two weeks now. I know you’re grieving, believe me I do. I still keep crying about it all. But there comes a point when you have to start to try and get on with life again.’

He sniffed and pointed at her. ‘You said there was no time limit on grief. When did that change, Lil?’

He was right. She remembered saying those very words. He sniffed again and rolled away from her, and she manoeuvred around the piles of dirty clothes to sit at the other side so that he was facing her again.

Her voice softened. ‘I’m sorry for being so harsh. I don’t want to upset you more, Adders. I love you, and it’s hurting me to see you in so much pain.’

‘Well, fuck off and don’t watch then. I didn’t ask you to come here with your shit attempts at helping.’

She sighed. ‘No… but look around you. Is this how Eve would want you to be?’

He jabbed a finger in her direction. ‘Don’t you fucking do that.’ He almost barked the words.

‘Don’t do what?’

‘Don’t do the whole oooh-Eve-would-want-this-and-Eve-would-want-that shit. It’s a low blow, Lily.’

She pulled in her lips to stop a harsh retort from firing out and instead she rubbed his arm. ‘Come on… think about it… would she want to see you like this?’

He sat bolt upright and glared at her, his bloodshot eyes boring into her so intensely she recoiled. In his unshaven and unkempt state, he was quite menacing.

He punched the mattress as his voice boomed around the bedroom, rattling off the walls along with the raw emotion emanating seemingly from his very being. ‘It’s a moot point, isn’t it, Lily? Because, as you so clearly and so lovingly put it: She. Is. Dead!’ He placed his head in his hands as growling, angry sobs racked his body.