Page 49 of It Was Always You

Lily stretched across, reached and squeezed his hand. ‘I know.’

‘I just… I suppose I know that a year isn’t such a long time and I’m wondering if maybe it’s too soon.’

‘Too soon for what?’

‘Too soon to let her go, Lil.’

‘Adam, I can’t imagine how hard losing her was for you. I know how hard it was for me but… She was your wife, so it must have been a hundred times harder. And no one is expecting you to forget her. Far from it. But you’re young. You can’t live in the past forever. Maybe it’s time to look forward now. I’m not saying jump into a relationship with the first woman that comes your way. And I’m not even suggesting you start dating but at least give yourself the chance to be open to meeting someone, eventually. You know?’

He huffed and leaned his head back. He didn’t speak for a few moments as if processing her words.

Turning to her again with a sad expression, he shrugged. ‘But she was one of a kind, Lil. And I have no clue how to meet someone else. I’ve been with Eve forever. I’m not sure what to do. And I’m not sure I actually want to do anything.’

‘You don’t have to do anything. Maybe… I don’t know, maybe you’ll just meet someone naturally someday, you know? Maybe you’ll meet someone at school.’

His brow creased. ‘At school? Are you having a laugh, Lil? I work with those women. The last thing I want to do is date one of them.’

‘It was just an idea. What about one of the students’ mums?’

He laughed, trying his best to do so quietly. ‘Er… no way, Lil. Don’t you think that would be a tad inappropriate? I can just imagine parents’ evening. “Oh yes, Mrs Johnson, Simon is doing really great in English, but anyway, are we shagging at your house or mine tonight?” Absolutely no way.’ He shivered as if the idea made him feel dirty.

‘Okay, yes, I get your point.’ She sat back and pondered for a while. Suddenly, she sat up and blurted out, ‘I’ve got it!’

His eyes darted around. ‘Shhh!’ he whispered, spraying her with saliva in his eagerness to quiet her. ‘People are sleeping and “I’ve got it” isn’t something you want to be announcing in the small confines of an aeroplane.’

‘Eeeuw, Adders! Ever heard the phrase “say it, don’t spray it”? I had a shower before we left, okay? I don’t need another one.’

‘Okay, sorry. What have you “got” then?’

‘Eh?’

‘You said “I’ve got it”, remember?’

‘Oh, yes, right. Okay… what about… and keep an open mind, okay? What about dating apps?’ She held out her hands as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Clearly, he did not agree. His face contorted into something akin to disgust. ‘Not a fecking chance.’

‘Come on, Adders! It makes sense. I can help you set up a profile if you like, you know, when you’re ready.’

‘Nope.’ He folded his arms, leaned his head back, and closed his eyes. ‘I’ll never be ready to do that.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because, and I don’t mean this to be offensive in any way, but I always imagine those things to be filled with desperate people who can’t find someone anywhere else and have resorted to the last-chance saloon, that’s why not.’

Lily huffed. ‘That is very offensive. And actually, that’s where you’re wrong. I know several colleagues who met their partners that way.’

Evidently, Adam was not prepared to budge. ‘Don’t believe you.’

‘Okay… Hannah, one of the editors at the channel. She spends so much time at work that she has no time to go out. She signed up two years ago and met Graham. He’s a really nice guy and they hit it off. They’re getting married next year.’

‘Ha… then he’ll murder her and chop her up into little pieces and eat her remains or something.’

She shook her head at him and pulled her face into a look of incredulity. ‘Don’t be so bloody melodramatic.’

He peeped out from his half-closed eyelids. ‘Well, anyway, I’m not doing it.’

She persisted. ‘Jeff in the weather room… He met Sonya through Tinder and they’re expecting their first child.’