Page 97 of It Was Always You

A familiar voice interrupted his thoughts. ‘Adam, dear. So lovely to see you.’

He looked up and smiled widely at Lily’s mum. ‘Lenora. How lovely to see you. What are you doing here? How have you been?’ He stood and embraced the woman who was like a second mother to him.

‘I’m here with a friend for dinner and I spotted you as we were about to leave. I’m fine really. Just a little worried about Lily.’

He pulled away from her and frowned. ‘Because of Florida?’

She cupped his cheek. ‘That, yes, and other things too.’ She paused and fixed her eyes on him as if trying to communicate telepathically. She sighed and shook her head. ‘All these years, Mija. I just wish things were different for you both.’ There was a distinct sadness to her expression.

Adam opened his mouth to ask what she meant but her eyes widened. ‘Oh, dios mio! Take no notice of me. I’ve had wine.’ She waved her hand dismissively. ‘I’ll see you soon. Mucho amor.’ She turned and dashed out of the restaurant as quickly as she could.

Adam cleared his throat and glanced at Emily as confusion niggled at him. ‘Sorry about that. I didn’t get a chance to introduce you. That was Lily’s mum.’

Emily responded with a strained smile. ‘Ah. I see.’

He sat again, poured himself a glass of water from the jug on the table and took a long gulp. ‘So, what have you been up to since I saw you last?’

She suddenly seemed distracted. ‘Oh, working mainly. I’ve signed up to do some specialised autism training which I’m really looking forward to. I’ve been wanting to do the course for ages. I like getting what I want.’ She lifted her chin and locked her attention on him.

He peered at her over his water glass. ‘Ah, that’s great. Congratulations. Here’s to you getting more of what you want, eh?’

Continuing to fix him with her gaze, she said, ‘I think maybe you know what I want next, Adam.’ Her voice was a breathy whisper.

His phone beeped and he glanced down to see a message had arrived from Lenora. Maybe it was further information connected to her cryptic statement earlier? Deciding he would read it later, he turned the phone over so the screen would no longer distract him and tried to forget what Lenora had said before she left.

He returned his gaze to Emily. ‘What you want next? Oh, I don’t think, I know. Tell me anyway.’

Leaning forward, she stroked his hand and answered, ‘You, Adam.’ He smiled as she took his hand.

The evening was going well. Emily was great company and he knew she was exactly the kind of person he could see himself with long term, in an ideal world. He quite liked the fact that she was so forward. He found it refreshing. They finished their desserts and Adam requested the bill from the waiter. As he held his phone over the card reader it buzzed again.

‘Why don’t you read that message while I go to the little girls’ room? And then, perhaps afterwards we could head back to my place.’

He swallowed hard and nodded and as she walked away from the table he lifted his phone to read the two messages now that Lenora had sent.

Looking at the clock through the fog of her tears, Lily realised it was almost 11 p.m. She had cried non-stop since arriving home from Adam’s. Letting go was so very hard. She had put her CD of Adam Songs into the player that she’d had for so many years she no longer owned the equipment she had burned it on. It was all Spotify playlists these days. But she and Adam had always loved CDs.

She allowed herself to look back through all her old photo albums, telling herself this was the last time. They would all go into storage tomorrow with some of her other belongings and they would remain there indefinitely. Then she would say goodbye to Jedburgh and head off to Glasgow.

The offer of the news anchor’s position at STV had been a shock, and she still hadn’t told Adam. Not yet. But she had taken the job. She’d had to. It wasn’t too far away but there was enough distance and she needed that. Things were always easier with distance. Not easy. But easier.

Her heart ached as she looked back through the box of wonderful memories. The difficult memories, too, like Adam’s wedding. He had adored Eve so very much. But who wouldn’t? She was a beautiful person. Lily was sure that deep down Eve knew about her feelings for Adam. There had been many knowing looks over the years. But Eve had never treated her differently. She had never gloated or shunned her. She had included her in their lives as if she knew how much being apart from Adam would hurt her. Eve knew she was no threat because Adam worshipped his wife. They’d had the kind of love that everyone aspires to. That Lily aspired to.

Eve was cruelly ripped from Adam, too young, by the idiot who thought driving while under the influence of alcohol was acceptable and safe. Lily would never forgive that foolish man who had caused her best friend so much pain and heartache. But now was the time to just admit defeat. She was young enough to meet a nice man and have children. Surely she could love someone else now? Surely?

Just as the melancholia of U2’s ‘All I Want Is You’ washed over her and overtook her senses, she gathered all the photos back up into the box and closed the lid on her memories for the very last time. Wiping her eyes once more, she switched off the lamp and took her wine glass and empty bottle into the kitchen, letting the song resonate through her. The CD would have to go, too.

Suddenly, there was a banging on the front door that made her jump. She pulled her robe tightly around her and gingerly walked to the front door to see if she could tell who it was. Stopping a few steps away, she squinted to try to make out the tall figure. The rain was coming down in torrents, which made the obscured glass panel in the centre even more opaque.

‘Hello? Who is it?’ she shouted as calmly as she could.

‘Lil, it’s me, Adam.’ He sounded out of breath.

‘Adam? What the hell? It’s after eleven.’ She began to walk towards the door again.

‘I know and it’s bloody chucking it down, so can you please open the door?’

She unfastened the latch and pulled the door open. She inhaled sharply at the vision before her. Adam was standing there, drenched, rain sliding from his wet hair, down his face, and soaking through his shirt, which was now clinging to his torso. So beautiful. He wiped his hand down over his face and slicked his hair back, his chest heaving.