Page 89 of Red

The further into the ice water, the more it soothes. My fiery fur glows in the moonlight. I sink up to my shoulders and duck my head under. Just one lap across the lake and back, then I’ll turn back. The heat in me warms the chilled lake as I make strokes. I hear a howl and tread water, but it’s from far enough away. I reach the other side where a few ice chunks remain and tread onto them. My paws sink through to the ground. It’s a comfort when I’m turned—the magic stops trying to win and flows through my blood without wreaking havoc within.

I run back into the lake. Wind blows across my chest and face. I want to howl—it itches in my throat—but I swallow it away, dunking my head below. I swim back over to the lake’s opening and change back. My hair and clothes are soaked, but in moments, they’ll both be dry.

As I let the heat burn, a pain rips across my chest. I cry out and hug my drying legs. The ice I sit on disappears.

This was almost a good night, though it still misses the mark. When I lived with Pratt, there were days I’d spend more time as a wolf than as a human, which dulled the burning sensation. During a full moon, I should be my wolf self for hours. Not minutes.

Water laps at the shore, bare of ice now, and the loneliness sets in. Stark must love when he can go out with Nikki. Same as Kiya and Mitus getting to run with their mates. I don’t know if I could ever trust someone enough to tell them. Pratt always lectured me about it.

I leaned back against a tree.

“Alo, it’s the way things are for you.”

“What if I want them to be different? I could change their minds.”

He gave me one of his brotherly gazes, meaning no fucking way.

”It’s not worth it.”

“What? To be normal?” I picked off a piece of bark.

“Alo, you’re not normal. You just melted an entire hillside from winter to spring.” He pointed at the flowers next to us.

I slammed my head back into the bark as tears fell.

“I’ll be here. It’ll be okay.” He ruffles my hair, such a brother move.

“You’re not here though,” I yell at the lake. “I have to handle all of this alone!” I toss a rock at the lake, and it splashes.

Footsteps approach, and I tense my arms. They shouldn’t be back yet.

Kiya stalks around the truck, and in seconds, she’s on two feet. “Who are you yelling at?” she asks, taking a seat on the now-warm ground next to me.

“Pratt,” I say, tossing a small stone.

“Grieving someone isn’t easy. Do you talk to anyone about it?”

“I don’t have anyone.” I toss another stone.

Kiya braids her long hair. “I thought you and Stark were close? And Jocko? What about Lirea? Come on, Aloka, you have people.”

“It’s not the same. They don’t know.” My legs tremble under my arms.

I need to cool down. She must be hot from running and not realizing the temperature around us. I fill my lungs and exhale on repeat.

Kiya’s hand finds a rock between us. “Well, they can’t know things you don’t tell them.”

She doesn’t get it, but how could she?

“Why are you back early?” I hold off from snapping.

“I didn’t like the idea of leaving you out here on a full moon. I’m shocked about Stark allowing it. Like I said, he’s not himself. I tried to ask him when we were on the run, and he essentially told me to fuck off or die, so I left them to it.” He is her Alpha. She can’t fight him.

“Yeah, he hasn’t talked to me since the other night at his place,” I share.

She sits up straight. “When we drank? Did something happen?”

“No, I promise nothing would ever. Can I ask you something?”