Page 27 of All In

“We can pretend, right?” Harlow asks.

The word sends pain spiraling through my chest. Pretend.

“Like around people? Fake it or whatever.”

I’ve spent the last ten years trying to pretend I’m not in love with Harlow. To switch that up now and “act” like I’m in love with him. Fuck, that would destroy me.

“We obviously have the chemistry,” he says, rambling on. The less I talk, the more he feels the need to fill the space with chatter. And for once, I wish he’d just be quiet. “I mean, it seemed like it anyway. Can’t really remember. We could try again, though, and see.”

“Try what again?” I blurt out, finally finding words.

His eyes are shiny, and it’s breaking my damn heart.

“Kissing and stuff.”

Goddammit. It makes me feel like an awful, terrible person that my very first thought is fuck yes. But the more logical, smart side of me understands that allowing myself to kiss Harlow is wrong. For him, it’s pretending. For me, it would be everything.

I can’t do that.

“No.”

He hangs his head, inhaling a deep breath, so I grip his chin and tilt his head back up so I can look into his eyes. “We can stay married.” Relief floods his features. “But we can’t kiss.”

He blinks at me, his lashes fluttering. “That’s weird, though, right? Not kissing your husband?”

I bite the inside of my cheek. “Okay. Fine. We can pretend, but only in front of other people. When we have to.”

Surely that’s okay, right? It has to be. If he’s going to sell getting married right after he was supposed to be marrying someone else? It’s gonna have to be convincing. At least in front of the people that it needs to be. I saw those comments on his post. I know what people are saying. And he’s probably right. Having our marriage annulled after that would cause more harm than anything.

Harlow’s eyes fall to my lips, and my heart nearly stops, but he darts them away just as quickly, his throat bobbing. “Okay.”

I’m equal parts relieved and disappointed but if we’re going to do this, it’s the best way. The only way.

“Should we go home?” Harlow asks. He sounds sad, and that makes my heart hurt.

“No.” I can’t help but laugh. “We’re on our honeymoon. I say we enjoy it. What did you have planned for today?”

He still won’t look at me, but after a second, he sighs. “A massage.”

Honestly, that sounds like the perfect thing to do today. Once I get some food in my stomach and we’ve called our parents and dealt with… all that, I’m sure I’ll need it to relax.

“Okay.” I realize I’m still holding Harlow’s chin, so I drop my hand and take a step back. “I’m gonna order food, and then we can call our parents. Whose first?”

Harlow’s face twists into a grimace. “Uh…”

“Mine, then.”

He breathes a sigh of relief. Sitting down on the bed, I grab my phone. Harlow climbs in after me, and his stupid tux shirt rides up his thighs, exposing them fully. Ugh. “Please put pants on.”

Face flushing a deep pink, Harlow climbs off the bed and walks to his suitcase. It’s nothing personal. I just still have images of his mouth on mine playing on a loop in my head and the sound of him moaning ringing in my ears. It’s not an easy thing to deal with.

Still can’t fucking believe I finally, finally got to kiss Harlow.

He’s got his back to me, so I lift my fingers to my lips, pressing the tips to the spot his tongue flicked. I’m not someone who often wrestles with morality. I like to think I’m a pretty good person, and that it’s not something I have to fight to be. But fuck, the little angel on my shoulder is telling me not to take advantage of the situation, and the devil is telling me to take what I want, that Harlow wants it. That he asked for it. Said we could do it again.

But he doesn’t know what I know. He doesn’t know how much it would mean to me. How much it would hurt to have it, him, and then have it taken away from me.

He doesn’t know how much I yearn for it. How much I fucking want it. To him, it’s nothing. A few kisses. Testing chemistry. But I can’t let myself go there.