Page 37 of All In

He searches my eyes for a second, then nods. “Yeah.”

“Would you be okay with adding kissing to your marriage rules?”

“Just kissing?” Gray asks, surprising me.

“What do you mean?”

If my dick gets hard right now in the middle of this very serious conversation while I’m trying to negotiate for us to get more kisses, I’m going to be so fucking mad.

“Just kissing,” he repeats. “You don’t want more than just kissing?”

Fuck. “Is more than kissing an option?” I rasp out. My dick pulses. I swear to God.

He smirks, but his eyes give him away. He’s not nearly as confident about this turn of events as he wants to act like he is. “I figure since you’re making demands. You don’t want to request daily blowjobs or weekly frotting?”

And there goes my dick again.

“I mean,” he continues without waiting for me to answer, “you used to sleep in my bed all the time before Josh, so nothing really changes there if all you want is kissing.”

“I want everything,” I hear myself saying, and for a split second, pure agony flashes in Grayson’s eyes. It gives me pause, and I study his face.

“Everything?” he echoes.

“Are you just going to repeat everything I say, or are you going to tell me whether you’re in or not?”

“Aren’t you worried it’s going to be awkward?” he asks instead of answering me.

I guess there’s really only one way to find out. Steeling myself, I scramble into his lap, straddling his waist. Willing my dick to behave for at least a damn second, I press closer until my chest is flush against his.

His hands grip my hips like it’s instinct. Like he’s been doing it all his life. And I guess in some ways, he has. But not like this. Not like this at all.

“Do you want to kiss me again, Gray?”

His eyes fall closed. “You don’t know how to take anything slow, do you?”

I frown. Why does that sound like an insult? “I guess not. Is that bad?”

He sighs, then shakes his head. “No. It’s just, you really went from almost married to left at the altar to fucking married to wanting to kiss me. In about three days. It’s just a lot to keep up with.”

I guess he’s not wrong, but I’ve never really shied away from going after what I want. I can’t imagine doing it now. But this is different. It’s not just about me and my wants. And even though we’ve always been close, Gray’s never expressed any interest in me, so I guess it makes sense that he wouldn’t want to either.

“Okay. We don’t have to,” I say, carefully working to shift out of his lap. “I’d never want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

His hands tighten on my hips, and his eyes fly open. “Where are you going?” I nearly laugh. “God, I can’t believe I’m even going to say this out loud, but I’ve wanted to kiss you for a very long time.”

My heart thumps. “What?”

“And I was really fucking frustrated that I finally got to, and I didn’t even remember it.” My blood is whooshing in my ears, and I can barely even hear myself think. “And I really do want to kiss you now. Right now, actually, but I’m also terrified of what that might mean.”

What it might mean to want to kiss me?

Gray brushes his thumb along my hip bone, and I shiver, my blood rushing south. Now is not the fucking time. Jesus.

Has this always been here? Did I just need to see it to feel it? Have I always wanted to kiss Gray?

I mean… I’ve always wanted to be close to him. And even when we were kids, I’d seek him out for cuddles and comfort. He’s always been my favorite person in the world, and no amount of time with him seemed to be enough.

Am I just doing this because I’m more hurt over Josh than I realized?