Page 88 of All In

The biggest thing—the thing I can’t get past—is that in every single photo… I’m looking right back at him the same way.

I have no idea what I’m doing. Literally none. Is this the dumbest thing I’ve ever done? Maybe. Am I gonna regret it? Likely.

Doesn’t matter. I feel like I need to. My mind hasn’t stopped since last night. I barely slept at all, and any time I dozed off, I jolted right back awake, my mind spinning out of control again.

Taking a deep breath, I knock on the door.

I’m chewing on my bottom lip, debating getting in my car and going back home. The sun isn’t even up, and Gray doesn’t know I left, and that’s all I need. For him to wake up and think something’s wrong. Or worse, that I left him after all.

The door opens, and Josh blinks at me in confusion. His hair is a mess, like he was asleep and I woke him up, his sweats crooked on his hips and twisted around his legs, his chest bare. “Harlow?”

“Can I come in?” He steps back without a word, gesturing me in. Josh sits down on the couch, but I don’t. I pace in front of it. “Is Andy here? I need to talk to you. Is it a bad time?”

He stares at me with wide eyes. “Yes, Andy’s here. He’s asleep. Of course you can talk to me. No, it’s not a bad time.”

If he finds it weird that I’m pacing his living room, he doesn’t mention it. And really, thank God. He’s probably still too out of it from being woken up.

“Were you really in love with me?”

I stop pacing and look at Josh in time to see him rub a hand over his face. “What?”

“Were you in love with me?”

“I—”

“It’s a simple yes or no question, Josh.”

He raises his eyebrows at me. “I don’t think so. I thought I was, but I just don’t know. Why? You’re not—you’re not here to try—”

I cut him off with a shake of my head. “No. Fuck no.” He seems to sag in relief. “No offense. I don’t—” I shake my head again, glancing at him. “I don’t think I was in love with you, either.”

He takes a deep breath. “Sit down. Your pacing is making me nervous.”

That phrase has never made a single bit of sense to me. How can what someone else is doing make you nervous? It reminds me of my mom telling me not to hover behind her because it made her nervous. What is there to be nervous about? What am I gonna do? I’m the one who should be nervous.

“Harlow.”

Right. Sitting down.

I plop down on the couch next to Josh, shaking out my hands. He shifts, turning so he can fully face me. “Okay, tell me what’s going on.”

“It’s not real,” I blurt out. “Only it kind of is. Now. But it wasn’t. Not until now. At least not for me. Gray probably sees it differently.”

Josh slow blinks at me like he doesn’t know what the fuck I’m talking about. “Huh? I need you to start over, and please start me at the beginning of the conversation instead of dropping me in the middle of your thoughts.”

I do have a habit of doing that, don’t I? I think I just assume everyone is on my wavelength because, well… because Gray usually is.

Shaking my head, I blow out a breath and try again. “The marriage isn’t real. We got drunk. So drunk. Blackout drunk, and we got married. And then I was embarrassed. Gray wanted to get an annulment, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to get left at the altar and have a failed marriage all at once.” Josh grimaces, but I ignore it. “So, anyway. I asked Gray… begged him, really, to stay married to me.”

I wave a hand through the air. “The videos? The photos? I don’t remember them. Gray doesn’t either. We just woke up and our phones were dead, and when we got them charged, they were out there and damn near viral, and I didn’t know what to do, so I asked Gray to stay married to me.” I inhale a sharp breath. “Say something.”

Josh’s lips quirk up. “Well, you haven’t stopped talking to even breathe, so I was just waiting.” I roll my eyes. “Okay, so you and Gray got accidentally married and decided to keep the ruse going?”

I nod. “Yeah, that’s what I said. Please keep up. I’m freaking out.”

He sighs, his face turning serious. “What are you freaking out about?”

“He told me he’s in love with me.”