Page 6 of Broken Souls

I make my way through the school to the office since I need to sign in given it's halfway through first period. A scent floods through my nose making me halt and freeze in my stance. A citrus essence, like the clean 'fresh out of the shower' aroma. I look around but don't see anyone. Everyone's in class. My feet stay planted in place as the scent gets stronger. Someone walks around the corner rapidly then goes stiff when their eyes meet mine. I'm staring into the glorious electric blue eyes of Joel Lewis. His perfect appearance really hits me in the face at this moment, his dark brown spiky styled hair, his flawless fair skin, his athletic body. But when I study his face, he looks remarkably unsettled.

“Babe, come on. I thought we were ditching.” Jenna appears out of nowhere and clings her arms around his neck. He turns to her for a quick second before staring back at me. Then he faces her.

“I got to go to the bathroom. I'll meet you at our secret spot.” He smiles at her but still looks unsettled. She nods and kisses his lips before walking away. All I can do is stand and watch. When she's out of sight, he walks over to me. “Elora, right?”

I don't think my voice will work so I just nod.

“You're my mate.” He scratches the back of his head, not even looking the slightest amount as confident as he usually is. “You know I'm with Jenna.”

“I... I know,” I stammer, not sure what I should even say.

“We aren't going to happen. Jenna is mine and I'm not losing her.” Joel’s words slice through me. I close my eyes trying not to let this affect me. “Elora,” he calls so I look back into his eyes.

“Just do it,” my voice is the softest it's ever been. You can hear the ultimate defeat in my voice.

“I, Joel Lewis, reject you, Elora...” He fumbles and looks embarrassed by not knowing my last name.

“Raines,” I give in, wanting this to be over.

“I reject you, Elora Raines.”

The ties break. The anguish surging through my heart is unbearable. My body feels it too. I think this is worse than the beatings I get. I physically can't move. My mind goes crippled and not a coherent thought can find its way through. By the time I can breathe again, Joel is gone. I go straight to my car and sit there. I was expecting rejection. I was. But that was the most inhumane experience I've suffered. That cannot be predicted. Whatever fight I've ever had in me, it's completely crushed now.

Chapter Five

I've been in a state of void. It's still my birthday but the moon is out. I didn't even notice the sun go down. I don't even know how I ended up parked out front of my house. Was I driving all day? I can't remember. Looking at my house, the lights are off. It's almost midnight so they must be in bed. I find the strength to walk into the house. Getting to my room, I don't even bother turning the lights on. I want to be in darkness. As I fall down on my bed, something crinkles against my head. Reaching over, I flick my lamp on. A frown comes on my face as I see a pink envelope with my name on it. I unfold it and pull out a birthday card. It has a pretty girly design with the words Happy Birthday on it. Opening the card, I'm surprised by the letter that comes out.

“Dearest Elora,

I'm sorry for the fight we got into. I was just surprised at you saying you wanted to leave the pack. I know I haven't told you much about your mother but the reason I have you and she doesn't is because I could give you more opportunities than she could. A rogue lives a lonely life being homeless and all. A rogue life is dangerous. If she had kept you, the forest would be no place for two young she-wolves. You were better off with me.

I know you would have wanted to grow up with her in your life, but there was no way alpha Manson would have accepted a rogue into his pack. I did what I thought was right. I know we don't have the relationship we should but you are my daughter. I may have gotten sidetracked when I met my mate and when she became pregnant with Kieryn, but I still raised you.

I was an only child and my father influenced me entirely. When you arrived, I had no clue how to be a father, especially to a girl. You have to understand I was taught to be tough, guarded, and practical. As a patroller I had to be sly and have grit. That was the mindset that was expected of me. Then to come home and raise a little girl to be feminine and have morals and everything that makes a woman, I guess I failed. I'm man enough to admit I had no clue what I was doing. Maybe that's why we aren't close because I don't know how to understand a girl’s mind.

If you want to leave the pack, I won't stop you.

I'm sorry, Elora. I hope I can still be a part of your life.

Love Dad”

The tears are pouring out of my eyes. I can't believe the words written on this paper, or the fact that they came from my dad. My hands are shaking so I carefully fold the letter up and put it in my bedside drawer. I don't even bother reading the birthday card. I wrap my blanket around my body for comfort and think about what I just read. After Joel's rejection today I felt like giving up. Like I had nothing left to live for. But now, my dad's letter. As clueless as my father has been all these years, he has tried to raise me the way he could. He does care about me. He just doesn't know how to show it. It's hard to believe he has feelings. He admitted to failing me and he did fail as a father. He has a broken daughter and an aggressive son. I wonder if he can ever make up for it. Maybe his letter is a start.

I owe it to myself to keep going forward. I'm not letting a rejection from some prick who's never spoken to me before today define my future. That is up to me. My life is in my control and I have to start believing that. My plan is still the same and I'm going to work harder for it. Finish school, work full time, move into the city and really start my life. I'll keep in contact with my father, but other than that, I'm leaving this werewolf world behind.

I'll live a human life with a human partner. I'm choosing that for myself. Some people say being a werewolf and destined to shift at thirteen and then having to live a certain way is a curse. I'm starting to believe it is. A human life would be much less melancholy. If the werewolf existence is still so strict to this day, I can't imagine how difficult it would have been in medieval times.

I stay up most of the night thinking about my dad's words. My mind keeps wondering about Lizzy, though. She must still be a rogue, but does she just wander the forest? I doubt she's in the same area after eighteen years. Does she travel around? Is she homeless? Is she living in wolf form? Did she find her mate? Is she alive... That last question halts my list of questions. I clench my eyes shut, not wanting to think of what my mother suffered through or if she's even alive. I grab my pain pills, pop several of them to make me drowsy enough to sleep and switch the lamp off. I keep my eyes shut, wanting all this heartache to stop.

Chapter Six

Ipass by the kitchen to grab a snack for school. I've been cooped up in my room since my birthday, two days ago. Yesterday I couldn't bear to get out of bed and have to deal with anybody so I stayed there. My mind was going crazy, though. Overthinking really can make you feel sick. So today I'm going to school. My dad looks up from his coffee when I reach the pantry.

“Babe, I'm running late to drop Kieryn off.” Step-Bitch moves around the kitchen, not even acknowledging me.

My father and I obviously can't talk right now. Maybe we shouldn't talk at all. The words were better written down. Dad gives me a nod and a small smile, letting me know that was that. We don't have to talk. We're both on the same page. For now, at least. I don't know if I'll ever tell him about the abuse. Given we're in an actual acceptable place now, diving in too deep will be uncertain. I don't like the word uncertain. That just means it could go terribly wrong. But I don't think I can ever get over him not knowing. Is he ignorant, in denial, or just clueless? Whichever it is doesn't matter. A good parent would sense a problem with their child. This is as much of a relationship as we're ever going to get. I nod back, then leave.

Getting to school, I get out of my car and head for the main school gates but unfortunately, the three monstrosities are standing out the front. I can't just not walk in. Even though I don't want to tolerate their bullshit, this is the only way in. I carry on my way and then they speak.