Page 115 of Not Until I Found You

“Don’t do what?” her mom challenges. “Point out the obvious?”

“Zane’s not the reason I’m making this decision.”

Her words cause my fingers to uncurl as I let out the breath I was holding. I’m glad to know I’m not the only reason she’s wanting to move here, because as much as I want her here, I don’t want to be the whole reason why.

Her mom lets out a sharp, disbelieving breath. “That’s exactly what you said about Derek.”

Maxinne flinches, and so do I.

“This isn’t the same thing, and you know it,” she hisses.

My shoulders stiffen, and my hands clench back into fists, because I hadn’t thought of it like that. That’s exactly what you said about Derek. The words settle like stones in my gut, and suddenly, her mom’s warning won’t stop echoing through my head, because what if she’s right? What if this–me–is just another version of the same mistake Maxinne had just gotten away from?

The thought makes my stomach twist. I can’t become another reason she bends or the reason she stays. It doesn’t matter how badly I want her here or how many times I’ve pictured building a life together. If Maxinne chooses Covewood, I want it to be because she found something here worth claiming as her own: family, purpose, community, a future she genuinely wants. Not because of me.

Not because she thinks love means carving away pieces of herself until she fits neatly into someone else’s plans.

The thought of her leaving twists low in my gut, because losing her is the last thing I want. But it’s nothing compared to the thought of her staying for the wrong reason. I’d rather lose her than to become a mistake to her, even if it wrecks me.

“Isn’t it?” her mom presses. “You gave up everything for Derek. You put your dreams on hold so he could chase his. And now you’re standing here, telling me you’re about to do it again?”

“I’m not giving anything up,” Maxinne’s voice rises. “But I’m also not going to put my whole life on hold anymore.”

My jaw tightens as a knot of tension builds inside me with nowhere to go. I give a faint nod, more to myself than anyone else, because she’s right. She’s already told me as much. Even so, I drag a hand over the back of my neck, trying to work out the tightness that’s settled there, but it doesn’t help.

I should stay out of this and go back inside, but her mom’s words keep circling around in my mind.

You meet some guy.

You’ve only been here a few months.

You’re about to do it again.

My arms fold across my chest, fingers digging into my bicep. The night around us feels strangely still, like everything’s narrowed down to this conversation I can’t step away from, even if I wanted to. Everything else fades into the background until all I can focus on is Maxinne fighting for herself and her mom warning her not to lose herself again.

Part of me understands enough to know her mom is not wrong for asking these questions. I’m starting to doubt things myself. Like, have I even been seeing things clearly, or have I only been seeing what I want to see?

“I’m not throwing my life away,” Maxinne continues. “I’ve already thought this through. I’m going to look into taking some classes online, work with my advisor, and travel back and forth to Westbridge for what I need to be in person for. It’s not one or the other—I can do both.”

“Back and forth,” her mom repeats.

The way she says it makes my stomach drop. I keep my expression neutral, but my jaw tightens against everything I’m not saying, because I know exactly what ’back and forth’ can become. At first, it’s every weekend. Then, every other one. Phone calls get shorter, and life gets busier. Before long, the miles between stop feeling temporary and start becoming permanent. I’ve lived that story before, and I almost forgot the promise that I made to myself—that I’d never willingly step into it again.

My gaze drifts back to Maxinne. At the woman who’s taught me that love isn’t about avoiding risk. It’s about choosing each other anyway. I’m not so sure that old promise still fits the man God is shaping me into.

“Maxinne,” her mom pleads. “That’s not as easy as you think it is. You’ll start out with good intentions, but then life will get in the way. Things will shift, and people will change.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” Maxinne insists. “This isn’t like your relationship with Dad.”

“You don’t know that,” her mom adds. “You don’t know how this ends. You don’t know if he”—her eyes flick to me—“is going to feel the same way six months from now. Or a year. I’m sorry, Maxinne, but I can’t accept this. Not when I’ve seen what happens when you give your whole heart to someone who might not stay.”

My pulse picks up, because I do know how that story can end. I’ve lived it.

“That’s not fair.” Maxinne’s voice cracks. “You’re judging Zane based on people who’ve hurt you.”

“No, I’m trying to protect you.”

“I don’t need you to protect me,” she fires back. “I need you to trust me.”