Page 56 of Not Until I Found You

My stomach twists at the thought of her leaving. Even with everything she’s feeling right now, I’ve noticed a shift in her. She seems lighter and happier than the first few days she arrived here. She’s laughed more and breathed easier. Maxinne fits in this place, and it feels…right. The thought of her mother showing up to undo that makes me want to throw something. Because selfishly, I want all the time with her I can get.

“I know she means well. She only wants to make sure I’m okay.”

“You deserve to figure things out in your own time. And I, uh—” I swallow, the words catching on the way up my throat. “I’m here for you. Whatever you need.”

She nudges her shoulder into mine, and the corner of her mouth lifts into a smile that lights up her whole face. “I appreciate that.”

I grin back at her. “Everything will work out; it always does. You just have to keep going.”

Her brows knit together as she studies me. “How are you always so positive?”

I definitely don’t feel that way most days, so I ask, “What do you mean?”

“You always see the brighter side of things—or at least you make it seem like you do.” She tilts her head, searching my expression. “Are you just pretending that everything is always good?”

I huff a laugh and shake my head. “Being positive isn’t pretending that everything is good. It’s seeing the good in the midst of everything.”

Her bottom lip tucks between her teeth before she looks down at the lake again. The water ripples around her ankles as she traces small circles with her feet.

“I haven’t always been like this,” I continue, letting the memories settle in before speaking. “If you’d met me before my twenties, you’d have seen someone a whole lot messier. I was negative and angry at the world.” I exhale.

Maxinne is calm and patient as she waits for me to continue. She makes the silence safe instead of awkward, and I’m grateful for it.

“This version of me?” I glance out at the lake, focusing on the sunlight reflecting on the ripples. “He’s not perfect by any means, nor did he show up overnight. He came from everything I’ve lived through. Pain, insecurities, mistakes, even depression. God helped me to grow from it all, and there’s nothing wrong with you needing time to grow too. That’s just a part of life.” I shrug, but the movement holds some weight.

She’s quiet at first, absorbing my words, her face softening with understanding.

“I might not have met the old version of you, but I’m pretty fond of this one.”

“Oh yeah?” My throat goes dry.

“Yeah,” she confesses and leans her head on my shoulder.

I go absolutely still. My heart wildly slams against my ribs in a rhythm that feels too obvious. I’m not sure if I should lift an arm around her or put distance between us, but before I can decide, Sven lets out a soft huff and settles his head in my lap, anchoring me to the moment.

Lord, please help me know what you want me to do here.

“I’m glad I met you,” she whispers.

“I’m glad I met you too.”

Neither of us moves for a while, the cicadas sing around us, and the lake water splashes against the dock. Her hair brushes my jaw every time the wind blows. My arm shifts, almost on instinct, until it’s resting behind her, not quite touching her back, but close enough that if she leans even an inch, my hand will be there.

She doesn’t lean, but she doesn’t pull away either. And somehow, that makes this moment even more intimate. Her feet trace circles in the water as her voice comes out quieter than before.

“I don’t usually feel this comfortable with anyone.”

I swallow hard, the truth slipping out quickly. “Me either.”

She lifts her head, and her temple brushes against my jaw. It’s the lightest of touches, but it zips straight through me. Her eyes search mine for a breathless second, something unspoken sparking to life in them. Then, she settles back onto my shoulder, like she’s choosing to stay.

Like she’s choosing me.

A breeze drifts across the lake, cooling my skin. It carries the smell of pine and fresh water with it, and I beg it to help steady the riot of nerves Maxinne has stirred in me. Sweat clings to the back of my neck, drying in patches as the wind whispers past us.

As much as I want to stay like this, the heat is getting the best of me. And I’m fearful of whatever kind of smell I must be putting off after a long workday in the sun. An idea hits me, and I straighten abruptly. Maxinne lifts her head, blinking up at me.

“Come with me.” I stand up and reach for her hand.